He Made Me Melt into His Arms

Sir and i haven’t been playing as much over the past couple of months. i’m pretty sure that’s why i haven’t been writing. Don’t get me wrong, we have sex and a lot of it, but the energy required to “play” isn’t always there. i think it’s a big part of why i’ve been feeling down and not getting back into my groove. i think it’s a part of why i felt myself losing the drive to do everything i can to make Him happy. Don’t get me wrong. i want to make Him happy in everything i do, but there is something so intoxicating about Him giving me an order and me following it…and if i don’t…consequences.

i know life gets in the way and that’s more important, but my submission has become such a part of me at my core that when any part of it is lacking, i feel off. Of course i communicate this to Sir and when He can, He takes a moment to spank me even if it’s only a few swats and not all that hard. i’ve asked Him to hold me accountable, not only to His orders, but to any promises i make to Him. I write Him an email everyday in the morning and in that email i tell Him what i will get accomplished. Sometimes it’s simply repeating what He’s told me to do and other times it’s my own list because He didn’t have time to give me one. i asked Him to discipline me when i don’t do everything on the list and don’t have a good reason for it. Usually, He does, but not always.

i mentioned in my last post that we went to a play party and i’m so glad we did. It’s helped us find our groove again. Though we might not play during the week, we have settled into a routine for weekend play and since i’m a light masochist, we can usually play several times during the weekend.

Last weekend was great. Sir tried a few new things and He’s becoming more comfortable with His sadistic side and trying new techniques. This is both exciting and terrifying, but the end result is always so amazing. Last night…Oh my gawd, Last night He made me feel something i’ve never felt before. For the first time, i was limp. After He was finished and He took me in His arms, i fell into Him, weak in the knees, and unable to hold myself up. i melted into Him, completely and totally relaxed, but let me tell you how He got me there.

i knew He needed to play as much as i did. i need to be able to give myself to Him to do as He pleases and last night, after a long, hard day at work, He needed to inflict pain. It worked out perfectly because i also needed to feel pain. After dinner, we went to our room and lay talking for a bit. Then He stood up, took my collar in His hand and motioned for me to come to Him. My heart skipped because i knew what this meant. i moved to the edge of the bed and He put it on me then bound my hands and legs. My heart pounded in my chest with an odd mixture of arousal and fear. He said, “I wish we had more toys, I’m in the mood to play with something else.” (Still being new and not having a lot of money, we don’t have many implements, but we are looking to find inexpensive alternatives or homemade items.)

He helped me to my feet and guided me to the wall. i stood facing the wall and pressed my arms against it, sticking my ass out for Him. He started slow smacking my ass with His belt, softly at first, gradually increasing intensity and frequency. Since i can’t see Him, i’m not 100% sure what He does, but when He finds His groove, it’s like He’s flipping it around and around causing it to hit me in rapid succession almost like what we’ve seen done with a flogger. It’s a really great technique and though it stings a lot at first, as my skin warms up, it feels really nice.

After my ass appeared nice and red, He pressed His hard cock against me and whispered, “You feel what this is doing to me, sweet? If you’re a good girl, that will be your reward. You’ll get my cock when I’m through.” i couldn’t help it, a moan crept from my throat. He turned me around and kissed me hard, then ordered me to my knees. At this point, He removed my bindings and i lowered myself in front of Him and proceeded to take Him in my mouth. When He had His fill, He helped me up and whispered, “You do know I’m not done spanking you, right? We’re just getting warmed up, sweet.”

My heart pounded in my chest. This is when i feel the conflict of fear and dread with complete and total arousal. He pressed me against the wall again and continued my spanking. After a few lashes with His belt, He got the wooden spoon (it’s an evil implement) and smacked my ass, “I want you to count. I’m going to hit you 5 times.”

i felt the spoon come down hard on my ass. “One!” Then again, on the other cheek. “Two!” And again, “Three! Fuck that hurts!” It was a bit much, but of course i didn’t want Him to stop completely. I just wanted to catch my breath. “Yellow!”

He chuckled. “You called yellow? What’s wrong?”

“i just need to get my bearings. Catch my breath a minute.”

“Ok,” he chuckled again. After a few seconds passed, “Are you ready to continue?”

“Yes, Sir. Can I start at four or do we have to start all over?”

i can just picture the evil grin as He said, “Oh you called Yellow. We start from one.”

“But Sir. i shouldn’t be punished…” and the spoon came down on my ass, “One! for using my safeword.” Then it comes down again, harder this time. “2! Isn’t this about…” and again, “3! being safe and shouldn’t i be encour…” and again, “4! …aged to use my safeword?” And with that, He brought the spoon down on my ass one final time, harder than the first five, “5!”

Leaning in, He whispers, “very good, sweet. That’s my good girl.” Fuck, those words. They get me every time. i would do just about anything for Him so long as He tells me i’m a good girl. “I’m still not through. You still get your belt spanking.” As He spoke softly to me, He rubbed His hands over my ass, soothing where He had just spanked. “You’re ass is glowing red, sweet.”

My red ass, courtesy of Sir.

My red ass, courtesy of Sir.

“Does that please You, Sir?”

“Oh yes, it does.” i heard the buckle clanging as He picked up His belt and i knew it was almost time. Part of me dreads the belt, but another part of me loves it. i love the warmth after the sting. i love how i get accustomed to the sting when warmed up. i love that it makes Him hard when He spanks me. i love giving myself to Him in a way that no other woman has done before me. “A few more warm ups and then for the main event.” Have i mentioned i love His new technique for warming me up with His belt? Just hard enough to sting, but really it’s about getting the blood to the surface and literally warming it up.

Soon it didn’t even feel like He was spanking me. “Harder, Sir.” The Sadist let out an evil laugh as He brought the belt down harder. My heart pounded and i thrust my ass out meeting each lash. It actually felt good.

“Are you ready?”

“i’m not sure, Sir. i think so.” i really don’t like it when He asks that because i don’t think i’m ever really ready.

“Count for me.”

“How many can i expect?” i like to know just because it gives me something to focus on. If i know the end is near, i can push through.

“I have a number in mind. Would you like to guess?” As we talked, He kept rubbing my ass and smacking it occasionally to keep it warm.


His dark eyes lit up. “No, not that many, but if you think you can take that many…”

“No, i don’t think i can. six?”

“More than that.”



“Why seven?”

“I don’t know, it just seems like a good number. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Sir.” i turned back to the wall, took a deep breath and prepared for my spanking.

“Don’t forget to count.” And with that, He brought the belt down hard on my ass.

“One!” Each time the belt came down on my ass, it was progressively harder than the last time. By the time He reached six, they hurt, but almost felt good at the same time. When i called out, “Seven!” i felt like i could keep going, but as He dropped the belt and reached out, taking me in His arms, i literally collapsed into Him. The feeling of release and the endorphin high was so incredible, i was weak in the knees. He just held me. This was, to date, the most intense spanking He’s ever given me and i could feel it, yet i didn’t cry. I was, however, jelly in His arms. “Can i have your cock now? Did i earn it?”

He laughed softly, kissed my forehead, “Yes, sweet, but first i want to hold my good girl.”

“Can we please move to the bed and sit down?” With that, we moved to the bed and i sat with His arms around me holding me tight. Nothing else mattered in the world except that i was there with Him in that moment. The world could crumble around us and i wouldn’t even know.


I Hate Days Like These

I didn’t want to get up this morning. When Sir’s alarm went off, He nudged me and told me to get up and get the coffee going and start breakfast. I didn’t move. When He was through with His shower, He came in and tried waking me again. I didn’t want to get out of bed. He pulled the covers down and I grabbed them and pulled them back up. This continued a bit and finally when He got the blankets down again, He smacked my ass with His bare hand. I just grabbed the blanket and pulled it back up again.

This is when He went to get His belt. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to get out of bed and nothing He did was going to make me. He said, “You will get out of bed because I want you to and there are two reasons I want you to. 1) I want to spend time with you this morning before I leave for work and 2) In order to fulfill your role in this relationship, you will get up and get the coffee started and make breakfast.” With that, He ripped the blanket off me and threw it across the room. I got spanked with His belt. Not hard, but hard enough that He made His point.

I crawled out of bed and went to the kitchen and started the coffee and breakfast. Sir came in and touched my shoulder, “Hey. Help me understand  your body language right now. Is this you being cranky because you didn’t want to get up or are you angry with me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” I said and kept rinsing the coffee pot.

He reached out and took my arm, pulled me into His chest, and held me tight. “Don’t sound so convincing.”

“Really, I’m not upset with you.” I tried to smile.

For the most part, it was quiet while I made breakfast and we ate. We did our morning Advent devotion and went outside to have a cup of coffee on the balcony before He left. “Sir, I’m really not angry with you. I just didn’t want to get up. It wouldn’t be fair for me to be angry with you for fulfilling the role I asked you take in my life, but remember, sometimes I may act like a child. It’s just who I am. I will always love you, even when I’m being a brat or screaming ‘I HATE YOU’ the way a kid might do with her parents. It’s ok to keep checking in with me, but today I wasn’t angry with you. I just wanted to stay in bed. Thing is, if you had let me sleep, I probably would have gotten mad too, so it’s just my mood today.”

He smiled and accepted my explanation. I walked Him to the door and kissed Him goodbye. I just wish my day would have gotten better…

A Little Holiday Cheer

I’ve not been doing much writing as of late. I have a lot of fleeting thoughts that just won’t seem to make the journey from my brain to the page. In addition I’ve found myself busy over the last few days. I have some thoughts for posts in the near future and perhaps that’s what I will do on the days I can’t seem to make my words string together in coherent thoughts…I’ll just post thoughts.

Anyway, this little diddy came as the result of a few of my friends re-writing some classic carols with lyrics befitting of our life style. I call mine “Spanking Wonderland” and it’s to the tune of “Winter Wonderland.” I hope you enjoy it!

Spanking Wonderland

Subbie screams, are you listening
On her skin, sweat is glistening
Maniacal laugh as He whips her ass
Playing in a spanking wonderland

Tie her down to the table
Making sure it’s nice and stable
Watching her squirm as you spank nice and firm
Playing in a spanking wonderland

In the dungeon we can have a party
And we’ll share the fun with all our friends
If you’re kinky and you like to party
Then come and play until the evening ends

Asses red from their spankings
Now we’re done with our playing
It’s time to collapse and finally relax
Playing in a spanking wonderland

I was a Brat and He Took Me Out to Dinner?

Last week I was in a particularly bratty mood. Maybe it was hormonal or maybe it was just my middle acting out for attention or maybe it was a little of both. All I know is I was pushing Him and I pushed pretty hard.

One night after we had gone to bed, we lay there cuddling and I nipped at His neck. At first He simply said, “No biting,” in that firm, I’m-in-charge-here tone. His words didn’t matter because I wanted what I wanted, so nipped at Him again. This time He popped my mouth as He repeated, “I said, no biting.”

“But why, Sir? I like biting you.”

“I know you do, but not right now.”

Immediately I stuck my out bottom lip and pouted, but that was short-lived. A sneaky grin spread across my lips and I bit at Him again.

“Do you really wanna push me, sweet?”

I just looked at Him, a little sad that He didn’t want to play and a little frustrated because He hadn’t been disciplining me consistently over the past couple of weeks. “I don’t believe you’ll do anything.” And I turned over to go to sleep.

“I may not do it right now, but you do have a spanking coming and trust me, I’m keeping track.”

I smiled, hoping He meant it because I could feel myself getting lazy. I know it’s tough through the week for Him to stay on top of the discipline because life is so busy. Sometimes He’s worn out from work and studying and just wants to veg in front of the t.v. before we go to bed. Usually when we go to bed, it’s late and there’s not really time for much of anything. Thing is, I’m beginning to realize I’m one of those who needs a daily something, so we are going to work on it to meet both of our needs.

Friday night rolls around and I’m in full brat mode. I don’t want to do anything around the house and I for sure didn’t want to cook dinner, so I conveniently waited to take the chicken out of the freezer. I messaged Sir, “What would happen if I didn’t cook dinner tonight?”

He texts back, “o.O”

“Well, I don’t think the chicken will be thawed in time and all we have to go with it are peas and I’m just not in the mood for peas tonight.”

His response, “You’re in big trouble.”

That didn’t scare me. I stripped and laid down in the bed, played on my phone a little, and eventually fell asleep. I woke up about an hour later. He was due home in about 30 minutes, but I didn’t care. Laying there, the rational part of my brain kept nagging at me. I kept thinking, “The chicken is probably thaw, I should go put it in the oven,” but I just laid there. When I heard the door open, I pulled the blankets up to my neck and tried to pretend like I was sleeping. He came into our room and lifted the blankets so He could peek under. Upon seeing my naked body He said, “What’s the meaning of this? You’re supposed to be all dolled up so I can take you out to dinner.”

Wait. What? I’ve been a brat all day and He’s going to take me out to dinner? I’m sorry, but this does not compute. I just looked up at Him…speechless.

“I’m thinking Outback,” He said.

Okay. Let me get this straight. I act like a brat and you take me out for a steak dinner. My rational adult brain struggled with this concept, but my middle didn’t care. At least my adult brain is the one in charge most of the time, but in that moment the brat wanted what she wanted and she got it. Before I got up to get ready to go, I managed to coax Sir into bed with me for a quick romp. (By the way, I cannot “convince” Him or “coax” Him to do anything He doesn’t want to do already. That’s not how it is with us. If He didn’t want to do it, He would have put His foot down and I would have obeyed or been spanked if I didn’t.)

We went to dinner and had a great time. We always do because we love talking to each other and we can talk about anything. While we were eating, He looked across the table and said, “I want you to go the restroom and remove your panties and bring them back to me.” He was dead serious. His expression said it all, but I didn’t want to.

The brat was…well being a brat. Huh? He’s not serious, right? I looked back at Him as serious as could be, tried to read His face and said, “Are you being serious?” He didn’t say anything, just intensified the stare and tilted His head to the side a little. “You’re not serious. I can tell.” And I didn’t do as He asked. Nothing more was said or done with it…until the next day.

The next day…Yeah that was fun. I know I’ve mentioned this before. I am definitely a masochist because I love the rush of adrenaline that comes with experiencing pain, but at this point, I don’t really love receiving the pain. Thing is, it’s so worth it in the end and it really does help me feel better, so I endure the pain to get to the good stuff. Sir was in an especially dominant mood and that made me all warm and fuzzy, so it was already a good day.

I went out in the morning with a couple of my friends and when I got home, He was in the bedroom. I was ordered to take care of Him, so I wrapped my lips around His cock and did what I was told. At one point when I paused, He told me to “assume the position.”” I was really not ready for this, but I knew it was coming. I had been a brat and I know it, so I bent over the edge of the bed, giving Him easy access to my ass as He searched for an implement. (We normally use His belt, but I think He was just wanting to try something new.) He got a flexible, plastic ruler which isn’t totally new to our play, but He’s never used it as the primary instrument for my punishment.

He started off with lots of little swats to warm up my ass. (It’s always funny to me because even though He doesn’t hit hard at all during the warm ups, it always seems to hurt worse than when He starts the “real” spanking. I guess it’s because I’m not warm or expecting the pain just yet, but during the “real” spanking I’ve had a change to get used to it and stuff.) When it was good & red and warm to the touch, He asked if I was ready. I replied softly, “Yes.”

“Yes who?” And He brought the ruler down hard on my ass.

I jumped slightly and yelped in pain. That ruler stings. “Yes, Sir!”

“Remember to breathe. It hurts worse when you hold your breath.” We are still exploring my threshold and  even though this was a discipline spanking, He still didn’t want to push me too hard, so He was going for 5 swats as close to full power as I could stand. The first few weren’t as hard and He worked His way up counting with each swat and stating why I was receiving it.

“One. This one is for not getting all of your chores done this week.” It stung, and I jumped, but I always do. This is the level of pain that is not only bearable for me, but quite enjoyable. When we are just playing and He spanks me during sex or for light fun, this is how hard He usually hits me. The next one was slightly harder, “Two. For not writing as often as you should.” Again, it hurt, but not too bad. It was still in the enjoyable range. The next one was quite a bit harder, “Three. For not following a direct order.” Okay. This one hurt, so I took a deep breath and focused on the sting. (This one was specifically for not doing what He asked in the restaurant.) When He brought the ruler down for the fourth time, I know He hit me harder still because the smacking sound was a little louder, “Four. For being a brat this week,” but for some reason, it didn’t seem to hurt the way it should. I jumped, more out of habit than actual reaction to the pain. It did hurt, but not like any pain I’ve experienced in a spanking before. The warmth radiating off my ass washed over my body as my breathing became slower, deeper and more even. I wasn’t even trying to breathe. It just happened. As He brought the ruler down for the final and hardest swat, He said, “Five. And that one is just because I can.” He was done? But it was just starting to “feel good.” :p

In some ways I wish He would have kept going. Kept pushing. But this wasn’t a boundary pushing experiment. It was discipline because of my bratty behavior. And besides, both of us were extremely turned on by the spanking which was clearly evident in the way He grabbed my hips and pressed His cock into me while I pushed back against Him, trying to help hurry the situation. He fucked me. Hard. And it was good. A lot of times this is my after care. A good hard fucking, but it’s done for Him not for me. It’s in these moments that I feel the most used and reminded of my place. Those are the times when I feel the most safe, the most valued, and the most secure. It’s not about rewarding me. It’s about Him getting what He wants in that moment.

As we slowed, I whispered, “Sir, You could have kept going with the swats. I know you were hitting me hard, but it was to the point that it actually felt good.” He just smiled that sadistic smile that I love so much and grabbed the ruler.

“Get up on your knees then.” I did as I was told, with no hesitation and He started smacking my ass with hard, quick swats. It hurt quite a bit, but I stuck my ass out there further for Him to keep hitting me.

The sting finally became a little too much and I called out our “slow down” safe word, just to let Him know I was nearing my limit, but didn’t want Him to stop entirely. God, it felt so good as the adrenaline pumped through my veins and He plunged His cock back into my waiting hole.

When all was said and done, my ass was quite red and bore new marks unlike any I’ve ever had before. I liked it. In fact, I told Sir, “That was different, but really nice. Now I’m curious to try caning.” Those words pleased the Sadist and He chuckled.

Later as we sat and watched t.v., the adrenaline and other naturally produced pain killers wore off and that’s when I felt the marks. More than an hour later and I realized just how hard He was hitting me because there were actually tiny abrasions in the welts. Instead of being upset or scared, I was excited. I love wearing His marks. They make me feel good inside and out. As I shift the way I sit or when my clothes brush against them while I’m walking, the reminder of my punishment and the fact that He put those marks there sends a tingle through my core.

Sometimes I marvel at what I’ve become, but I’m so happy with who I am today and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Sir and I compliment one another so perfectly that it’s difficult to know who is really doing what for whom. He likes to inflict pain and like receiving it. He thrives on acts of dominance and I thrive on acts of submission or service. It’s really quite perfect and I couldn’t ask for a better relationship.