Sometimes Change is Necessary

It’s been a long time since I’ve written and the reason for that is my former Sir and I lost the 24/7 aspect of our D/s relationship. In fact for the last year of our relationship, we didn’t have any aspect of D/s at all. I fought as long as I could and eventually I just had to walk away. Granted, he basically asked me to leave, but he made a choice and that was to put someone else before me. Someone he only knew for a few weeks. It devastated me and I didn’t think I would be able to survive, but I have and I will continue to survive.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I want to keep writing, but I am not sure how I’m going to do that with this blog. I will keep it up for the time being, but I’m not going to be updating. My writing will probably be something different than what any of my followers are used to. Once I make a decision, I will let everyone know and if I start a new blog, I’ll link to it so any who are interested in moving on with me, may do so.

Finally, I want to thank everyone who has commented and followed me. It was a good run and I wouldn’t change anything.

He Made me Squirt!

Oh yeah. You read that right. I thought it was a myth and something I would never experience, but man oh man, Sir made me squirt.

A couple nights ago we started off fairly vanilla in our foreplay, but on my request to “make me cry,” Sir flipped His switch into full Dom mode. As I mentioned in a recent post, I have been a brat like you wouldn’t believe. I was so much of a brat that Sir pretty much gave up on our D/s. I take responsibility for that and I needed to purge my feelings of regret. I needed Him to punish me for my bad behavior. I wanted to feel pain at His hand…or belt…pain that cleansed me from the heart-wrenching guilt I harbored. As He always does, Sir delivered and while I didn’t cry, the euphoria that washed over me definitely factored into what came after.

Our relationship has always been about trust and I firmly believe with my whole being that the trust we share is exactly how He was able to bring me completely over the edge. He listens to me. Not just my words, but all of me. He reads my body and my sounds. He knows what turns me on when He does it and even without me speaking a word, He knows to keep doing it. That’s what happened and it was completely by accident that we stumbled onto the one thing that pushes me past the edge.

After throwing me over the edge of the bed and belting my ass hard, He fucked me like he always does. I was so wet and my body was so completely immersed in arousal that He slid in so easily. After a few moments, He commanded me on my back with my ass hanging slightly over the edge of the bed. Taking my ankles in His hands, He spread His arms out which in turn spread my legs wide apart opening me up to Him. Feeling Him press His cock against my swollen pussy was enough to send me sprinting to the edge and He knew that, but He wasn’t ready for me to come yet, so He looked at me with those steely black eyes and said, “Don’t you cum yet.” I barely managed to squeak out, “Yes, Sir.”

Rocking His hips back and forth, He rammed into me, every thrust sending a wave of pleasure through my body. Then it happened. He pulled out just a little to far and instead of sliding into me again, His cock slid up between my lips, gliding across my clit. An instant jolt of pleasure shuddered through me and I could feel my pussy teetering, ready to spasm at any second. After a moment or two, looking up at Him, I begged with my eyes for release to which He obliged and commanded forcefully, “NOW!” My abdomen tightened and my clit throbbed as my pussy contracted in spasms.

Moaning loudly, I lost myself in the sensation of His cock rubbing my clit coupled with the pleasure of my orgasm. I could feel something different this time. A different type of pressure. Instead of being afraid, I rode the wave. I think Sir saw this and He commanded again, “NOW! Cum for me!” And that did it. It was like a small explosion of pleasure erupted from my core. Now I’m not gonna lie and say I gushed all over, but the moment I felt wetness like I’ve never felt before was intense to say the least, but also worrisome. I wasn’t sure what had happened, but when all was said and done after a little investigating, we determined that it happened. I “squirted.”

Fast forward to the next night. Now I was content with what happened. The orgasm was intense and it was my first time ever having more than just a little increased wetness, but Sir wanted to explore whether or not it could happen again or if it was just a fluke. We began much the same as the previous night, except there was no spanking. He positioned me on the edge of the bed again and after fucking me hard for a few minutes, He pulled out and rubbed the head of His cock against my clit. I can’t even explain why this act pushes me to the edge. There really are no words. Needless to say I found myself teetering the bring again. Sir stopped rubbing, stepped back a bit so He could watch and with His steely gaze locked on me, He uttered the command, “NOW!” It was like the ultimate release at my core as spasms rocked my pussy and liquid poured out all over the edge of the bed. Still not gushing, but definitely cumming all over. Sir then finished off by shooting His load all over me and I just lay there in awe.

I didn’t think I would ever squirt. I’m 40 years old and while I’ve not had a lot of partners, I have had a lot of sex with the few partners I’ve had and no one has ever been able to get me even remotely close to this. That being said, I knew from the first night we spent together that if anyone could make me squirt, it would be Sir.

Adventures In Poly

Polyamory is something I’ve dabbled in before. No, dabbled isn’t a good word. You don’t dabble in poly. Not really anyway. But this is the situation. I was married and came out bi to my “then” husband. He agreed to allow me to explore my sexuality and I ended up with a girlfriend. In this dynamic, it was more of a “V” with me at the hinge because my ex and my girlfriend rarely played together and they weren’t bonded in the same way she and I were. There were times I loved it and there were times I hated it.

After I broke up with my first girlfriend, I rebounded pretty hard and quick with another girl. This one was different because we formed more of a triad. The three of us were inseparable and there was an enormous amount of trust between us. If it wasn’t a rebound and my ex and I weren’t on our way out of the marriage, it would have been perfect.

I definitely believe it’s possible to love more than one person fully and completely. I also believe that it’s possible for three people to share with each other that deep love. There are risks, of course, but isn’t that the case with any relationship? You can’t worry about what might happen, otherwise you could miss out on the most amazing thing you’ll ever know. This is why Sir and I are ready to actively seek our third. It’s not without frustration or even a little hesitation, but it’s time for us to find the man who will join us, maybe forever. (Well as forever as you can be in this mortal life.)

So now the search begins. We are a couple and settled with each other, but we’re dating. So many wouldn’t understand this concept. Sometimes I can’t even get my brain around it. How can we be happy together and love each other, but still suffer the heartache of rejection? And who the hell would want to put themselves through it? I guess the bottom line is that nothing that’s really worth it is ever easy.

**Sorry for rambling on and on. I just needed to write something and this is what was on my mind in the moment I clicked “new post.”

The Prodigal Sub Returns

i’ve been a brat to the point that Sir gave up on me. Not our relationship, but my role as His submissive. It breaks my heart to think i was such a pain in the ass that Sir just threw His hands up and walked away from the D/s aspect of our relationship. i will say this much, it had a very negative impact on us. i don’t think either of us realized the wholeness that these roles bring to our lives.

After a lot of talking about a number of things, i asked Him to be my Sir again. i think we are still in a time of consideration, but i can tell you i already feel so much better. i can’t stop being a brat completely. It’s who i am. But, i am fully expecting to be punished for any bratty behavior and the consequences are completely in His hands. You bet your ass i’ll be writing about the first time He blisters my ass for talking back or not doing something i’ve been told to do. i can’t wait. i’m terrified, but i can’t wait.

Thank you to all my readers who have stuck around and waited patiently for my return and welcome to any new readers i have. i welcome comments and positive conversation on my posts. Please, don’t be shy!

Movie Night With Friends

A couple of Saturdays ago, we went to a dinner party/movie night at a dear friend’s house and it was amazing. Because of finances, Sir and I haven’t been able to get out to munches and such, so our social time with our friends has been really minimal over the past few months. Really, everyone has been so busy with life that none of us has even really been talking, so my friend and her Sir decided to host a dinner and movie party. We ate wonderful food, watched Quills, and observed a demonstration of fire play and cupping. This little excursion was really important on so many levels: 1) It got Sir and me out of the house, 2) Sir got to see a movie He had never seen before and I’m pretty sure He liked it, 3) It re-ignited the spark for the play aspect of our relationship.

I wasn’t sure how Sir would enjoy the movie, but because we were watching it with friends who are a part of the lifestyle and “get it,” we had a blast, laughing at the right moments, commenting on aspects to which we related, and even those moments that struck a chord. If you have never seen the movie, I highly recommend it. You’ll feel an array of emotions and in spite of some things that I think may have been done better, the performances are great and it’s good overall. The best part of it all is the quiet look of recognition shared between Sir and me when something is said or done to which we can relate.

After the movie, we saw my friend lit on fire. I know it sounds dangerous and really, in the wrong hands, it is very dangerous, but it’s something that some day, I hope Sir learns and is able to do to me. It’s hard to explain in writing, but essentially my friend’s Sir used two fire wands, both are saturated with 70% alcohol. One is lit on fire and the other is used to swab alcohol to the skin. Once there is a nice trail of alcohol, the other wand is quickly touched to it and it catches fire. It typically burns really fast and the “top” then quickly runs his/her hand over it, just to make sure it’s out and to rub any liquid left behind. It was fascinating to watch and someday, I will experience it. 🙂

The next demonstration was fire cupping. Using the same fire wands, the inside of a small glass cup is swabbed with alcohol and then lit on fire. It is quickly placed on the skin. The heat from the fire creates a vacuum and literally sucks the skin. Definitely something I want to do. (If you do a search for fire cupping, a lot of information comes up about technique as well as the history. It’s really interesting.)

They also demonstrated blood cupping which is a variation on fire cupping. The same technique is used with the fire and the cup. The difference is that a small wound (a simple scratch on the skin) is made and the cup is placed over the wound. The suction caused by the fire cupping draws blood out of the wound. For anyone into blood play, this is a definite must do/see. I’m not sure I will ever try it, but it was really interesting to see.

Just being around our friends, with whom we have this lifestyle in common, brought back a fire that’s been missing for a while. It felt good to serve Him at the party and to sit at his feet while watching the movie. All of this led to an amazing play session the next day that I will share in another post. All I have to say is for the first time I found myself deep in my subspace and oh how I want to go there again!

Connected Mind, Body, and Spirit

Sir and i have been living a very vanilla life as of late. It’s actually ok, but i am really missing the discipline aspect to our relationship. Since our dynamic is very much 24/7, my submission and His dominance are present throughout the day regardless of any bedroom play, but life has a habit of happening and short of a few playful swats now and again, i haven’t had a proper punishment in some time. It’s something that we both miss and maybe it’s been a trial run for this summer when His son is here visiting, but i think that since we will have to go roughly 2 months without playing or even punishment, i need a good fix and i need it soon.

That’s not what this post is about though. Yeah, i do that sometimes…just write what i’m thinking without really thinking. 🙂 Sir and i have some amazing sex and there are times when the sex is so good and we are so connected that i think, “Surely we will never top this experience.” It’s true. No two sexual experiences are the same with us. i think it’s part of why we are so into each other physically. Even our quickies vary. Sure we have a morning ritual…it’s how He wakes me up and motivates me to do my morning chores. If we have to forego our morning fuck…well my whole day is just out of whack. i would venture a guess and say the same is probably true for Him as well.

The point is, every time we make love, fuck like bunnies, or whatever you want to call it…it’s different. But there are those times that transcend the others and it becomes a truly spiritual experience. I know with some effort, it’s possible to have that most of the time, but I kinda like it when i’m surprised by them, like the other night. It was actually this experience that kicked me in the ass about my writing. i realized that i usually write about those kinds of encounters and i wasn’t about to let this one go. It’s been a few days, so the details are maybe a bit sketchy, but the intent is still there and i’m hoping you enjoy reading about it as much as i enjoyed living it.

The night ended just like any other night with us turning off the TV and going to bed. Sometimes when we get there, we are both so tired, that we might do a last minute check of email and facebook, but soon we are both snoring. This started off that way, but i wasn’t really tired yet and apparently neither was He because we were both playing games on our phone. After a few minutes, He turned off His light and turned toward me, so i put my phone down and settled into His arms. i absolutely love cuddling with Sir. There’s something about being wrapped in His arms that reminds me i’m safe and how much He loves me. Sometimes in these quiet moments something happens and our hearts connect…our spirits connect…everything just aligns perfectly and we’re no longer thinking, just doing.

i kissed His chest and moved up His neck. Then my lips were on His and we kissed deeply. Immediately i felt warmer and my heart raced as our kiss grew more passionate. As He rolled over on top of me, i knew in that moment we were making love. i love rough sex and so does He, but sometimes harder isn’t better. This was one of those times. He spread my legs and pressed the head of His cock against my opening. As i opened up and let Him in, i could feel Him rub every ridge…every sensitive place inside of me and i moaned softly. From then on it was just so rhythmic as our bodies worked together, moving in perfect tempo and our hearts seeming to beat in sync.

Time stood still for us. i can’t tell you how long we were there, but our bodies truly blended. It was like you couldn’t tell where He ended and i began because this time it wasn’t about His dominance over me, but about our oneness as a couple. His hips moving in just the perfect thrusting motion and mine meeting His driving Him deeper. His pelvic bone pressed and rubbed against my clit as His cock massaged every ridge. Every nerve in my body was present and sensitive. He is the only one who has ever awoken the sensitivity inside. i though vaginal orgasms were things of myth before Him, but this night was even more intense than any other time.

Sweaty bodies pressed against each other. Our hips rolling into each other. As the pressure of intense pleasure built, i could feel my first orgasm approaching. Sir knew as well and it was then He picked up the pace of His thrusts, pushing me over the edge with an explosion of ecstasy making me scream out and press my hips up into Him. As the roll of my orgasm subsided, He slowed again and we continued in our rhythm, but the rolling pleasure had already started, so my next one wasn’t far behind. As i came again, i could tell He was getting close too and that just made it all more intense.

Sometimes i can control my moans and stifle my screams, but sometimes i cannot. This was one of those times i couldn’t  At first i was screaming, “Oh God, Sir! Oh!!” and so on, but soon i was screaming His first name. Let’s just put it this way…i scream so loud that i wouldn’t be surprised if one day we found a note on our door from a neighbor that said, “Way to go, B!”

As my third and final orgasm for the night approached, i made every effort to match Sir. i knew He was close. i could tell from His breathing and the quickening of his rhythm. We both lost our ability to speak English, or any coherent language for that matter, and soon our room was filled with grunts and moans as He drove His cock deeper inside of me. Just as i couldn’t hold on anymore and felt myself explode again, He too thrust as hard as He could and yelled in absolute pleasure as He came. Our loud moans filled the room and probably the building as we came together. Lost in that moment, our bodies still pressed tightly against each other, i looked up at Him and said, “i love you, Sir.” He whispered, out of breath, “I love you too, sweet,” and we kissed.

He collapsed on top of me and as i lay there catching my breath, my entire body tingled as the intensity of what just happened emanated from my core. Every sense heightened for just a moment and i really felt like He and i had merged into one during that encounter. As He rolled over and i positioned myself back in His arms, i commented, “That was awesome,” and i kissed His chest.

Sometimes sex is just sex even when it’s great sex, but sometimes we are surprised by sex as a spiritual experience. It’s those times that i love and it’s those times that i know Sir and i are meant to be together because He is the first person to connect with my spirit in any way.

This particular encounter was so powerful for us, we still talk about it…

I’m sorry…

Those are words I hate to have to say, but will say them when needed. No one wants to admit to being wrong or letting someone down. I feel like I should apologize to you, my readers, for leaving you in a lurch. I know some of you have grown fond of my writing and out of no where, I just stopped. It’s time to start writing again, not only for you, but also for me. I tend to feel more complete when I spend time writing each day. I also find that when I’m writing, I look for the good things in life to share with y’all.

In all honesty, life has been dull lately, but even in the dullness, there have been little kernels of excitement. I’m going to make it my mission to bring those little moments to you. Even if it’s just a short little blurb…I’m going to share.

Thank you for hanging in there and I promise to do better!