Learning More…

i love how each and every day i learn something new about my submission to Sir. Okay, maybe i shouldn’t say “i love” it because there are times when my submission is extremely difficult and i would like nothing better than to scream at the top of my lungs that i don’t want to do it, but it’s in these times that when i push myself and truly submit, that i get the greatest rewards.

i’ve written in the past about my Sir being bisexual. We both are, but at the moment, i’m just not really interested in women because my focus is really on Him. That’s not to say i couldn’t be, it’s just that my attention is on Him, so i’m not really looking. That’s the not the point here anyway. The point is that Sir is bisexual and when i say bisexual, i mean a true unicorn. He has an equal need and desire for intimacy with both men and women. i’m totally ok with this. In fact, it has afforded us some pretty amazing opportunities in the bedroom and it’s opened our eyes to the possibility of a poly relationship. i’ve been in a poly relationship before and while it had it’s challenges, it was also very rewarding. Now we are in the “trying to figure out what our relationship will look like” stage. There’s a lot of talking about what we’re comfortable with and what scares us as well as what we see as our ideal situation.

i think we both agree that ideally we would like to have a polyfidelitous triad with another bi man. i know that it is a very rare and highly coveted scenario, but i aslo know it’s not impossible and the right guy is out there for us. The whole prospect of “dating is scary for both of us and the challenges with seeking this type of relationship sometimes makes it seem impossible, plus we have needs. More specifically, He has needs. These are needs i cannot meet no matter how much i want to or how hard i try because simply put, i lack the parts.

This leads to the most difficult act of submission i have ever done. Taking 15 hard lashes with his belt was easy compared to this. You see, our sex life is intense and amazing as i’ve written about here on my blog, but i was finding that now matter how amazing the sex was between us, He was always still missing something because there isn’t a man here. God how i wish i had a magic wand or potion or anything to be able to temporarily turn into a man for Him. i would do it in a heartbeat. The point is, our sex life is great, but He still experiences sexual frustration and i hate seeing that. i want to see Him happy, you know? So that’s when i said to Him, “Sir, i know that i’ve said before i don’t know how i would feel about You playing with a guy alone, but since we are having a difficult time connecting with someone to play with together, i think i would be ok with You having an occasional NSA or finding a friend with benefits as long as You always have safe sex and it doesn’t happen in our bed.” (i have this thing about sharing our bed with someone when i’m not there. i don’t believe i’m the only one.) i think He was surprised, and pleasantly so. It was hard for me to say, but i knew that it would ultimately make Him happy. 

The night He arranged for His first “casual” encounter was interesting though because the guy He was chatting with indicated he had a fantasy of being with a m/f couple and agreed that i could be involved. It was because of this that Sir agreed to have him over to our place in spite of my request that He not host for the casual encounters. This is when it went horribly wrong because the guy was really nervous (understandably so since he was a gay man about to explore his first bi fantasy) and he asked Sir if they could just play alone or maybe at least play alone until he was relaxed and then i could join them. i wasn’t happy at all and i wanted to fight. i voiced my displeasure, but knowing how much Sir needed this, i agreed to be “ok” with it and see what happened. 

Sitting in the living room, i got myself pretty worked up, but then it hit me, i was actually in the midst of an ultimate act of submission. By doing what i was doing, i was allowing Sir to experience something that would make him happy and give him a sense of relief from the ridiculous sexual frustration He had built up. This thought process really started to calm me down a bit. Of course, i didn’t like it, but i also don’t like it when he spanks me when i’m bad or when i get put in the corner (not that it’s happened often) or any other act of submission he requests of me. i was invited to join them, which was nice even though the over all experience was done in moments. Simply put, i just felt better knowing i was included and i’ll telly ou something, there is nothing i enjoy more than watching my Sir taking another man. i don’t know what it is, but it’s incredibly sexy to me.

i’m not sure what the entire point of this post is, except that it’s possible to find submission in places that you may not have taken the time to look. i’m not looking forward to the next time i have to be ok with Him leaving me to have some one-on-one time with a guy, but by tapping into my willingness to submit to Him, i know it will get a little bit easier. i’m really hoping we can find someone soon that is either interested in a long-term friends with benefits scenario, or even better find our Mr. Right, because i’d so much rather get to play too! 

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2 comments on “Learning More…

  1. Congratulations (? Is that the right word ?) on finding that very deep level of submission within yourself. I remember reading somewhere that, “if it is always easy, it is submission,” I’d say it definitely applies here!

    *hugs*

  2. Stefanie says:

    I know this post is old but i just stumbled upon your blog! I am newly living the lifestyle not 24/7 but definately more often than before but i had that moment of not being that into it but then in the end getting the greatest reward! it ended up being emotional at the end but it my d helped and encouraged me through it.
    Thank you for sharing with me!!

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