I’ve been absent from my blog as of late and to my readers, I apologize. I took an unintentional break. Unintentional because it wasn’t planned and in spite of the fact that I opened the laptop and attempted to write several times, nothing came. My thoughts weren’t making sense to me, so I couldn’t get them from my head to the page. I’m not sure exactly what was going on, but today when I woke up I decided I needed to write something. Anything. I have to get back into the groove of posting again.
Sometimes I spend too much time in my head and I think way too much. A lot of times I manage to think up ridiculous scenarios that could never happen. I make assumptions about situations based on the smallest pieces of evidence. Sometimes I’m right, but most often, it’s ludicrous. Sir says I “catastrophize” and truth is, I do. I try not to, but there are times I just can’t help it because I know what’s happened in the past and what’s to stop it from happening again? There are a few outside forces at work that are just trying to make things difficult for us and I have to try not to let them bother me, but that’s not easy.
If it weren’t for Sir, I’m fairly certain I would still be locked in my room in California, unable to even do the smallest things necessary to take care of myself. Before I left my husband, I was a mess. Depression and anxiety kept me from doing anything. I tried to get out and be more “in the world,” but my anxiety would kick up and back to my room I would go. Even before I met Sir in person, He helped me fight my demons. He talked to me in such a way that I started to change the way I looked at certain situations. When I had the opportunity to meet Him in person, I couldn’t pass it up and my life has never been the same since because I’m actually happy. In fact, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time.
My happiness stems from so much right now. I love that I’ve found someone who “gets” me. The most amazing feeling is when I don’t have to say anything because He already knows what I’m thinking and I’ve never had that with anyone else. We may be in a 24/7 D/s relationship, but everything I do for Him, He also does for me. When I’m down, He picks me up. When I’m weak, He offers support. When I need corrected, He gives me a spanking. When I need to be held, He wraps His strong arms around me and reminds me that He is my safe haven where I can always be myself and never worry about what anyone else thinks.
It’s because of His gentle spirit and overall generosity that I am able to give myself to Him in all ways. When He needs encouragement, I give Him my uplifting words. When He needs to be reminded that I love Him, I kiss Him gently and whisper the words in His ear. When He needs to be held, my arms are His and I wrap them around Him in a tight embrace. If He needs some stress relief, I offer myself to Him for play and pleasure. I hope that, like he is for me, I am His safe place where He can be who He is without fear of judgement.
I could have never imagined this life for myself, but from the first moment I knelt at His feet and placed my head in His lap, I felt like I was home and everyday that feeling is validated as we grow closer together exploring the dynamic of our relationship.