…at least right now.
i’ve been struggling with what to write over the past couple of days, so i decided that today i would just talk about what submission means to me. This lifestyle isn’t just something that i do part-time when i my inner masochist needs attention. It’s so much more than bondage, pain, and sex. To me, it’s a way of life and i’m so happy to have found someone who also sees the joy in living this way. i know i’ve mentioned before that Sir and i consider ourselves 24/7, but now i hope to help my readers gain a better understanding of what exactly that means for us.
Being a submissive woman is so much more than a role i play in the bedroom to spice things up. There’s nothing wrong with that if it’s what you do. i’m just saying that’s not enough for me. That is how it started though…in the bedroom. i think that’s the way it starts for most people because the idea of incorporating a D/s lifestyle into a world that is inhabited by mostly vanilla people doesn’t seem possible. i’ll admit it. My lack of knowledge led me to the same conclusions. i thought that in order to be considered full-time D/s or M/s meant a couple of different things: 1) You have to have on leather cuffs and collars all the time, 2) the sub couldn’t work outside the home, 3) the sub gave up all rights to his/herself, 4) crazy, kinky, and often painful stuff is a necessity…and these are just to name a few. Are these things a part of some 24/7 relationships? Yes, but it’s important to know they aren’t necessary in order to have one.
i love my Sir with every fiber of my being. My purpose in life is to make Him happy in all that i do. That doesn’t mean i’m constantly thinking of ways to sexually please Him, though i do think of those things often. What it does mean is since i don’t have a job outside of the home, i do the majority of the housework and cooking. He works 10 1/2 – 12 hour days and sometimes more. Most weeks He works 6 days. It only seems natural that i would be the one to maintain the home since i am here to do it. Besides, i know it makes Him happy to come home to a clean house and a hot meal and when Sir is happy, i am happy.
i want to serve Him, not just in the bedroom, but in every aspect of our life together. When we are sitting and watching TV, if He needs a drink, i get up and get it for Him. If He asks for cookies, i go make them. There have been times when He simply mentions that something sounds good for dinner or dessert and i figure out a way to make it happen. One of my favorite examples is the night i made homemade apple crisp and He mentioned how good vanilla ice cream would be with it. Well, i didn’t have any way to get to the store nor the money with me to get ice cream, so He jokingly said, “Well make some.” He didn’t expect me to, but i took it as a challenge. i said, “You know i was a Girl Scout, right? If we have all the ingredients, i will figure out a way to make some.” He just laughed because He really didn’t think i could (or would) do it. Sure enough, i found all the ingredients and we had enough salt, so i mixed the ingredients in a bowl and put it in a plastic resealable bag which then went into a larger bag with ice and salt and i made ice cream. It was really fun to take out the container with my homemade ice cream in it and show Him what i had done. He was very surprised and also very pleased which totally made my night.
It’s the little things, like making ice cream or having a cocktail ready when He gets home, that really make it special for me. Don’t get me wrong, the kinky sex is amazing and definitely plays a major part in it, but it’s more about my service for Him than anything else. i’ve given my whole being to Him, not just my body to use for His pleasure. We sit and have intense and intelligent conversations about politics, religion, literature, and so much more, so my mind is there for Him to use as well. i do everything i can to lift Him up and encourage Him on a daily basis, so i’ve also given Him my spirit, When i say i am His mind, body, and spirit…i mean it. i trust Him enough to give myself to Him completely and He maintains that trust by not trying to change me or my own personal belief system. We are able to have discussions and disagree, but still love and appreciate each other usually gain an deeper understanding for one another.
Discipline is another piece to our dynamic that sort of fits into the “kinky” side of things, but it’s still not about sex and arousal. i am a mess when it comes to my emotions and staying on track and stuff. i tend to get lazy and often let my emotions take control. When this happens, i tend to become paralyzed and unable to really do much of anything. Sir keeps me focused by providing me structure through discipline. We don’t have lists and lists of rules or protocol, but i am expected to have certain things done on a daily basis and He will sometimes add to my list of chores. Unless i have a good reason, Sir punishes me if i fail to complete all of my tasks. In addition to consequences, we have been discussed implementing rewards for when i do get my chores done, but to be honest, knowing i’ve pleased Him is often reward enough in itself. Nothing makes me melt more than hearing Him say, “Thank you,” or smile as He kisses me and then says, “You’re my good girl.”
I’m not sure if any of this makes sense, but i know i focus a lot on the sexual aspects of our relationship and that’s only a small part of it. We are a very sexual couple, but even on the days where sex isn’t on the table, we are still very much D/s. i love nothing more than when i get up to get Him a drink and come back to Him stretched out on the couch forcing me to sit on the floor at His feet. i know some women would take offense, but it warms my heart to know He wants me there, looking up to Him. i take tremendous pleasure in rubbing His feet and legs after a long, hard day at work or rubbing His neck and shoulders to help Him relax. i know it sounds strange and i covered this in my post titled “A Letter to Sir,” but i feel like i was made for this…for Him. Everything about us feels so completely right and we really do understand each other. When we don’t, we talk about it. i will do everything in my power to keep this just the way it is because i never want to lose this.
Sir, i know You will be reading this, so i wanted to tell You that i love You, so very much, and i thank God everyday that He brought us together. i also thank You for allowing me to love You and serve You and choosing to love me in return. i know things aren’t always perfect, but we can do anything as long as we keep talking about it and work together. i’m so happy to be on this journey with You, Sir, and i look forward to the many years of submission (an kinky sex) to come.