Where’s My Motivation?

Sir grabbed His belt and said, “I’ll give you motivation.”

i sighed, “But, Sir, i don’t want the belt to be my motivation. It shouldn’t be the reason why i do things. i do what i do, not because i’m afraid of getting spanked, but because i want to. Why don’t i want to today?”

He just shrugged, “I don’t know.” And this is it. It’s the beginning of another mood swing. They come on suddenly without warning. One second, i’m all energetic and gung ho and then the next, all i want to do is lay down and sleep or watch t.v. i didn’t even feel like writing today, but since i want to at least post something 5 days a week, i figured i need to keep myself disciplined in writing, no matter how long or how short.

It’s not like i have that much to do. It’s just that i don’t want to do it. i have laundry to fold, iron, and hang up. The floor could easily stand to be vacuumed and the bathroom needs to be scrubbed. But i don’t want to do it. The kitchen is pretty much kept up. That is one thing i don’t let myself get lazy with. i hate it when there are dirty dishes in the sink. That’s something that totally drives me bonkers. i’ll cook dinner this evening because i have to eat too, so there’s built in motivation to that.

i think i need a spanking. No, not think. i KNOW i need a spanking. i’m not talking about the kind of spanking where i fucked up and have it coming to me. i’m talking about the one that is painful, yet enjoyable. It’s the spanking during which i can focus on each strike and use it to release my pent up emotions through the pain. With a warm up to build to the more intense pain, it allows me to really focus on it and not try to reject it. That’s the kind of spanking i need. i asked Sir if we could do it last night. i’m eager to push my boundaries and see how much i can take with a proper warm up and slow increase of intensity. He agreed, but there was too much to be done and we were both exhausted, so we agreed that it would have to wait.

Ugh! i really hate it when i feel this way because then i start feeling guilty because i’m not doing what i need to around the house and i start figuring what the hell. My “don’t give a fuck” switch gets flipped and then i do stupid things that will get me in trouble, like play with myself without asking. Yeah, that’s a confession i have to make when He gets home for lunch. i forgot to ask on His break and i knew He wouldn’t see His messages, so i figured, “What the hell. It might help me feel better.” Now i’m regretting that decision. Sure, i don’t HAVE to confess, but what’s the point? Besides, i don’t like lying to Sir for any reason.

So, rather than a coherent post, you get this…a daily dribble of my annoying thoughts. It’s not sexy…it’s not the type of material that makes for good “before bedtime” reading, but it’s what’s in my head at the moment. If my mind is clear later, i’ll be back. Otherwise, i’ll see you tomorrow and hopefully my thoughts aren’t so random.

Share your thoughts…random as they may be.

Advertisements

5 comments on “Where’s My Motivation?

  1. Elizabeth says:

    The thing about submission, it ISN’T sexy. It’s raw and pure. And that’s what I love about this post. It’s how I post most of the time too. I hope that with my blog, I can share my experiences so others get to know me better and relate. I relate to this on so many levels. I’ve been there, and will probably be there again.

    • His sweet says:

      Thank you for this comment, Elizabeth. You are so right. Submission isn’t sexy. Well, that’s not to say there aren’t sexy things about it, but all in all, it’s not about being sexy. Yet, there are days when just folding the laundry makes me wet because I know it will make Sir happy. Those are the days when it’s easy to be submissive because my motivation is making Him happy.

      It’s not always like that. Other days, like today, it feels like more of a chore and everything in me wants to fight and scratch and claw out of submission. The problem with that? I lived for 17 years in a relationship where I wasn’t submissive and I was miserable. I know deep down this is what I need to be happy. It’s on these days that I need Sir to assert His dominance in the relationship and remind me of my place.

      I’m so glad this post resonated with you. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

  2. We like reading the daily dribbles …. those are the best. 🙂

  3. ownedslut says:

    I completely understand.
    I think this is our bodies/minds way of telling us we need more attention.
    I know I’m not good at asking for what I need, so then I start to act out (or in some cases, not act out) It’s because we need to be filled up.
    Maybe you guys could fit in a small spanking each morning or something like that…a few strikes to the ass may motivate you throughout the day!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s