Sir grabbed His belt and said, “I’ll give you motivation.”
i sighed, “But, Sir, i don’t want the belt to be my motivation. It shouldn’t be the reason why i do things. i do what i do, not because i’m afraid of getting spanked, but because i want to. Why don’t i want to today?”
He just shrugged, “I don’t know.” And this is it. It’s the beginning of another mood swing. They come on suddenly without warning. One second, i’m all energetic and gung ho and then the next, all i want to do is lay down and sleep or watch t.v. i didn’t even feel like writing today, but since i want to at least post something 5 days a week, i figured i need to keep myself disciplined in writing, no matter how long or how short.
It’s not like i have that much to do. It’s just that i don’t want to do it. i have laundry to fold, iron, and hang up. The floor could easily stand to be vacuumed and the bathroom needs to be scrubbed. But i don’t want to do it. The kitchen is pretty much kept up. That is one thing i don’t let myself get lazy with. i hate it when there are dirty dishes in the sink. That’s something that totally drives me bonkers. i’ll cook dinner this evening because i have to eat too, so there’s built in motivation to that.
i think i need a spanking. No, not think. i KNOW i need a spanking. i’m not talking about the kind of spanking where i fucked up and have it coming to me. i’m talking about the one that is painful, yet enjoyable. It’s the spanking during which i can focus on each strike and use it to release my pent up emotions through the pain. With a warm up to build to the more intense pain, it allows me to really focus on it and not try to reject it. That’s the kind of spanking i need. i asked Sir if we could do it last night. i’m eager to push my boundaries and see how much i can take with a proper warm up and slow increase of intensity. He agreed, but there was too much to be done and we were both exhausted, so we agreed that it would have to wait.
Ugh! i really hate it when i feel this way because then i start feeling guilty because i’m not doing what i need to around the house and i start figuring what the hell. My “don’t give a fuck” switch gets flipped and then i do stupid things that will get me in trouble, like play with myself without asking. Yeah, that’s a confession i have to make when He gets home for lunch. i forgot to ask on His break and i knew He wouldn’t see His messages, so i figured, “What the hell. It might help me feel better.” Now i’m regretting that decision. Sure, i don’t HAVE to confess, but what’s the point? Besides, i don’t like lying to Sir for any reason.
So, rather than a coherent post, you get this…a daily dribble of my annoying thoughts. It’s not sexy…it’s not the type of material that makes for good “before bedtime” reading, but it’s what’s in my head at the moment. If my mind is clear later, i’ll be back. Otherwise, i’ll see you tomorrow and hopefully my thoughts aren’t so random.
Share your thoughts…random as they may be.