So i took a quick glance over the past few posts i’ve written and discovered that they ooze sentimentality and overflow emotion. (insert giggle here) i must say that doesn’t surprise me because i’m a highly emotional person, but at the same time, i want this blog to be about my whole BDSM experience and not just the sappy stuff. (BDSM and sappy in the same sentence? The world is gonna end!) i’ve written about Sir’s punishments before, but never about when He takes His belt across my ass, so i thought it is time to treat you to such a story.
Last week was a rough one for me. i don’t know what was going on, but i know i was emotionally off kilter. As a result, Sir opted for grace as opposed to punishment on more than one occasion. It’s one way i know He loves me and knows me better than even i know myself. After my funk had lifted, i asked Him for a spanking session because i needed to release a lot of tension and pent up emotions. He agreed. It’s such a strange dichotomy being a submissive who loves being spanked because it’s so exciting, but i’m always a little terrified at the same time. It’s so difficult to explain how being spanked can turn me on, but scare the shit out of me all in the same 5 seconds, but i know there are others who feel the same way and for that, i am grateful. Sometimes i think i want the pain, not only for release, but also to get to the aftercare. Sir is so amazing and loving when He cares for me. Feeling His strong, reassuring arms holding me tightly makes all the pain worth it. And there there’s the mix of pleasure too. Even now, writing about it, my core is on fire and i want Sir to spank me.
Sir’s favorite implement (well mine too) is His leather belt. It’s the belt He wears every day to work, so it’s always handy when He needs to use it. The first time He ever used it on me, i was surprised, but so pleased with the results. I wanted more. Again, we are faced with the dichotomy. Now it’s discipline spanking vs. erotic spanking. Is there a difference? Well for Sir and me, there is. If there wasn’t, i would be acting out all the time just to get spanked. Or, on the flip side, i would hate being spanked so much that i would never want to have spanking sessions, something i know Sir loves. For us erotic spanking is a slower process in which He builds up to the harder strikes. He starts a little softer and slower, and then works up to almost full power. When i’ve been naughty, i get bent over the bed and the belt comes off with no mercy, except my safe word (which i rarely use anyway). I usually end up crying during a discipline spanking, but not so much during erotic spanking. Most times sex follows erotic spanking, but rarely a discipline spanking.
i asked Sir for this and i wasn’t naughty, so it was going to be fun and i couldn’t wait, but all in the same breath, i was terrified. He opted to wait until after supper before bed which only made things worse as the anticipation was killing me.
After supper and watching a few of our shows, it was time for bed. My clit throbbed just thinking about what lie ahead. I followed Sir into the bedroom and He turned to face me with the sadistic grin i’ve come to know and love. He reached up and took my face into His hands pulling me in for a kiss. He started off gentle, slowly lifting my shirt up over my head, kissing each breast as they came into view. Pressing His lips against mine again, the fire grew fierce and His “darker” side emerged. Both hands grabbed at my shorts and He ripped them down over my hips, along with my panties, in one motion. My heart thudded in my chest as my breathing intensified. This was it. It was going to happen and i couldn’t (well wouldn’t) stop it.
He grabbed my shoulders and forcefully turned me to face the bed and then placed His hand in the middle of my back shoving me down over the edge of the bed. i sucked in my breath as i grabbed the sheets preparing for His first strike. He grabbed the belt and as i heard the clanking of the buckle, i could feel a rush of wetness between my thighs. Closing my eyes, i braced myself for the first hit, and “THWACK” the belt came down across my ass. Crying out slightly, i turned my face into the bed, hoping to stifle my cries.
“No,” he commanded. “I want to hear you cry out,” and the belt came down across my cheeks again. That one hurt, pretty bad. It was a little harder than the usual warm ups.
“Oh! Sir!” i screamed. “Thank you, Sir!” And then it came down on me again, harder this time. The fire on my skin lit and i could tell exactly where the belt landed. That one nearly took my breath away. i sucked in hard and closed my eyes trying to breath the pain away as He brought the belt down hard again. “Oh GOD, Sir! That hurt!”
“It’s supposed to hurt, sweet. That’s what spankings do,” He said, matter-of-factly and He brought the belt down again. At this point, i knew i was nearing my limit and it pissed me off because we hadn’t been going at it long enough. Three lashes with the belt and i was ready to stop? Hell no. i was upset with myself, but also upset with Sir because if seemed like He was treating this more like a discipline spanking. i didn’t want to use my safe word, but i wanted Him to stop, so i turned and faced Him. “Sweet, do you want me to stop?”
“i’m not sure, Sir,” was all i could say. i did want Him to stop, but not completely and W/we never talked about an “in between” safe word, so i just moved my ass so he couldn’t get to it anymore and smiled up at Him with my big blue eyes shining.
“Sweet, if you stay like that, i will continue your spanking and hit whatever surface is available to me.” He was forceful and i love that. His dark brown eyes were smoldering, almost black with dominance. He brought His hand back, raising the belt up, ready to strike my leg.
i quickly spit out, “i’m sorry, Sir. i’ll get back into position,” and moved back to the edge of the bed and turned over, exposing my ass to Him once again. “It’s just…it hurts worse than it normally does, Sir, and i’m getting frustrated.”
He took a moment to caress my ass gently with His hand. “Aahh, but it’s such a lovely shade of red right now and the welts are popping up quite nicely.” i took this moment to relax a bit and let my breathing calm. As the pain subsided, He asked, “Are you ready, my sweet?” i simply nodded my head, took a deep breath and bore down for the pain that was to come. He didn’t hold anything back and brought the belt down hard on my ass. It wrapped around my hip slightly and i felt the sting as the end caught my side. Sucking in hard was now an involuntary reaction to the pain, but before i could properly process it, he brought the belt down again, this time focusing on the other side. As much as i hated the pain, i loved it too. Something opened up in me and i cried…hard. All of the frustration and pent up emotions came pouring out. Three more times He hit me, each time harder than the last and the tears flowed. i was still angry, not sure if it was with myself or Sir, but as the last strike came down i gritted my teeth and let out a low growl.
In spite of the release it had given me, the spanking was still less than what i hoped for. Odd, isn’t it? i wiggled out of the way at one point and felt totally pissed off to some degree, yet i wanted more. Sir knew i wouldn’t be able to take it, so He stopped. He had a set number of lashes in mind and He didn’t even get that far because He knew i wasn’t “there” tonight. i laid there face down on the bed, crying for a moment as He marveled at the welts rising on my ass. “I think you may have that bruise you were wanting,” He said. i turned over onto my back and looked up at Him. He held His arms out inviting me to join Him. i stood up and let Him hold me, “What’s wrong, my sweet?”
“i’m so disappointed in myself, Sir. i should have been able to do more.” It was true. Early on, i endured so much more. i couldn’t understand what was different.
He just looked at me, pride filled His face. “My sweet, you did do more. You wanted to stop, i know you did, but you let Me push you past that. You didn’t have to and I’m proud of you for that.” With that, He kissed my tears and we lay down on the bed in a tight embrace. It was a tough session and i still feel like i failed, but Sir was proud and in the end, i had some really pretty welts and bruises to show for it.
*Well damn it…it still ended up being sappy. Well, there you have it…W/we may be a BDSM couple, but W/we are a sappy BDSM couple.