On the surface, Sir and i appear to be very vanilla. Only the people closest to us know about the hot fudge streak that runs deep beneath the surface, but even with our kinky side, not many know that W/we are a bi couple. When i say that, i mean that while W/we are truly in love with each O/other, i like girls and Sir likes boys to the point that while completely satisfied with each other, we still long for the touch of a woman or man…whatever the case may be. On most days, it’s not a big deal. In fact, for me lately, i’ve not been craving a woman’s touch and been ok with only Sir. i may occasionally see a really attractive girl and have a quick fantasy about her, but it’s not something i’m actively seeking at the moment. For Sir, it’s a little different and that’s because He has only just begun to accept His sexuality and thus never really acted out on it. Sure, when He was younger, like a lot of boys, He had some experiences, but nothing to really confirm to Himself, “Yes…I am bi!” Honestly, He kept this part of Him buried for the majority of His adolescent and adult life and until meeting me, has always thought of it as “wrong.”
When W/we met online, i had no clue at first and He wasn’t going to tell me. We had discussions about my sexuality because i was always completely open about it. He was never judgmental, but it was clear that He didn’t think it was “right.” Even when the time came for Him to “come out,” He still voiced His struggle with the “right” and “wrong” of it and that’s when W/we really started talking about it. (Without getting into a lot of detail, let’s just say that a lot of people with the same beliefs as us are very outspoken about the “sinful” nature of homosexuality or similar alternative lifestyles, including polyamory. Perhaps, i/we will revisit this particular topic in another post, but that is a discussion for another day and another time.) i have been on this journey a little longer than Him. Not that i’ve been bi longer, but i started the process of reconciling my sexuality with my faith several years ago, so that put me a little ahead. Through careful discussion and my encouragement along with His own personal meditation, He is well on His way to truly accepting His sexuality and nothing has made me happier than to see Him accepting Himself for who He is.
Religious beliefs aside, being bisexual sucks. i mean, sure, it can be hot and i know for a fact that me being a bisexual woman is more socially acceptable because “it’s hot for two girls to be together.” The problem is no one seems to get us. Let me explain. It’s like most people (including those who are gay) believe, you are either gay or straight. If you’re in a hetero relationship, you must be straight and if you’re in a same sex relationship, you must be gay. This is the furthest thing from the truth. In fact, it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in, you are always denying yourself a part of your sexuality. That is unless you’re in a relationship with a partner who totally gets it and, even better, feels the same way. That’s where Sir and i are. i completely understand that i will never be able to meet every single one of His needs just like He knows He will never meet every one of my needs. The only thing i’ve requested of Sir is that when he explores his sexuality, i would like to be there, not because i don’t trust Him, but because His sexuality is a major turn on for me and i feel it is something that can actually bring us closer together. On the flip side, He also wishes to be a part of any of my exploration as well.
It’s fairly common knowledge that a majority of men are totally turned on by lesbian sex. Even guys who say they aren’t are lying…or gay. A little known fact is that some women find gay sex equally hot. i am one of those women. Gay sex is a major kink of mine and until recently, i always thought i would only experience that kink through fantasy…and porn. It’s strange really because i used to avoid gay porn. i thought it was…well for lack of a better word…gross. In fact, i avoided watching Brokeback Mountain because i didn’t know how i would handle seeing two of the hottest actors i adore simulate gay sex. i don’t know why and i can’t say when it changed, but with the help of Second Life, i realized i love seeing two men together. There is just something so sexy about it. i especially love watching gay porn with Sir. Maybe it’s because i know what it does for Him or maybe it is just a kink of mine. I don’t know really and i don’t care. After W/we had been together for a time and Sir was always talking about wanting a boyfriend or at least to experience being with a guy, i decided i wanted to try and find Him someone. W/we’ve talked about it at length and what would be ideal for U/us because no matter what, this will affect me and U/us as a couple, so jumping into it with no clear guidelines or expectations could be detrimental. And if i’m completely honest, i don’t want Sir to have a boyfriend, but i want Him to be happy, so compromise is the only way for U/us to make it work.