In the Beginning…(part 2)

i lost my dream job and my grandmother passed away all in the same week. i had to move back home with my mom again. i am grateful to have a mother who cares enough for me to allow me to come home when things got rough, but i think i secretly despised my husband. It wasn’t so obvious, but being that i am who i am…a submissive by nature…a man unable to care for me in such a way that allows me to serve him is not a very attractive man at all. This very point takes me back to the original thought i had in regards to my first marriage, i married too young. Or maybe the man i married was too young. He is only older than me by one month, so maybe that played into it. All i know is 2007 was the beginning of the end for us as a couple. i didn’t know it then, but i definitely see it now.

Up until then, i think i still had some fight in me, but at this point, i was done. i never wanted to be dependent on a man, but it’s really shitty to be dependent on a man who can’t provide for you. My ex suffers from mediocrity. He’s content with a mediocre life unless someone else does the hard work to rise above mediocrity. In our relationship, that person would be me. Don’t get me wrong, mediocre is ok. As long as the bills are paid and i have a roof over my head…a roof that is mine, not my mothers. I’m not saying that i need to be a millionaire. i don’t need fancy cars and big houses and fancy clothes or expensive jewelry. i just need to be happy and have my basic needs met. My ex couldn’t even do that. i know…this seems harsh and maybe it is, but it’s a reality. And it’s not like i left him the first time we had to move back to my moms. 17 years we were married and at least 16 of those we lived at my mom’s. Hell, when i left him, he was still living at my mom’s and won’t be leaving for another 2 weeks at which time he will be living at his parents. It’s not really healthy, if you ask me.

All of these things couples with building depression and anxiety that were aggravated by work led me to temporary disability. My shrink agreed to give me some time off work, so i went on state disability for 3 months. It was during this time that i discovered Second Life. i had no idea at all what this crazy online community held in store for me, but it enchanted me from the start. I especially had no clue that it would help me discover so much about myself or the Man who could bring me ultimate happiness.

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