Can There be Grace and Mercy in BDSM?

i know that if you had asked me that questions a couple of years ago, my response would be, “No there can’t be grace and mercy in BDSM.” Of course a couple of years ago i wasn’t immersed in the lifestyle like i am now and i wasn’t in a 24/7 relationship with the Man of my dreams. i am submissive. i am Sir’s domestic servant, His “housewife” in a 1950s household/Domestic Discipline dynamic. W/we have only just begun this journey and it is my hope to eventually embrace the entire spirit of the 1950s household lifestyle. i have dedicated my life to ensuring that O/our home is comfortable, clean, and a place of refuge from the outside world. It is to be a place where He can escape the stresses of work in whatever way He chooses. i will give Him whatever He wants, my body included, even if i’m not feeling well…even if “i just don’t feel like it.” i will even accept any punishment He gives no matter the circumstances. He has given me the privilege of voicing my concerns, but i have given Him complete power over me, so should He still deem it necessary to punish me after hearing my concerns, i will take it because it is His decision and i know that He will always do what’s best for me.

That being said, i had a really bad day yesterday. i’m not sure what was going on. It may be “cabin fever” because i do spend a large amount of time at home. It could be that i’m hormonal. It could also be that i had to talk to my ex about our tax returns and talking to him completely stresses me out. Whatever it was, when Sir got home, i was happy to see Him, but i was not happy. Since He knows me so well, He always knows when i’m upset and without much prodding, i told Him what was going on. Unfortunately, W/we had to go to the grocery store in spite of the fact that i was in the midst of an anxiety attack. The thing is i’ve allowed my anxiety to rule my life once before and i’ve vowed never to do it again, so W/we headed out to run O/our errands.

Before the store, W/we went out to eat and it was while eating that Sir and i talked about my day and what i got done and didn’t get done. (He knew of most of the things already because i’m fairly up front about my shortcomings.) Two things were left undone: 1) his daily email and 2) writing in my blog. He of course knew about the first one when He didn’t get it, but the second one was a confession i had to make. It is expected of me to write every day, whether in my blog or my novel, and i just didn’t do it. The thing is, He didn’t scold me. His disappointment was clear, but knowing my state of mind, He knew it would not be beneficial to me if He scolded me for not writing. Some may thing He’s weak, but i believe it takes a strong man, someone who really knows and understand His submissive, to acknowledge the shortcoming, express disappointment, but know when to draw the line for her protection.

While at the store my anxiety symptoms were exceptionally bad. i was actually feeling physically ill. At one point He was hugging me and kissed my forehead. Apparently i was really flushed because He said, “You feel warm,” and He kissed my head again just to check. i made myself stay with Him and tried my best to laugh and joke with Him. The problem with that is i actually came across very sassy at times. There was one moment i recall when He looked at me and said, “W/we will handle this when W/we get home.” My response was, “Really now?” He actually made like He was going to either play with His belt, sort of brandishing it, or take it off, but He wasn’t wearing it. i said, “What now Sir, the source of Your power is gone.” Luckily for me He saw the joke in it and didn’t take it as me sassing Him, which in all seriousness, i wasn’t.

This is why i love Sir. He knows me and He knows my humor. He knows my moods and He knows my mind a lot better than even my shrink did. He knew that it would be worse to discipline me for my shortcomings than to hold me and remind me that His primary concern is my well-being. Last night as we lay in bed, i felt myself pulling away from him. Perhaps it was out shame for not completing my “list.” Maybe i was just feeling generally yucky and unworthy. I don’t know what the reason, but i was turned away from Him and far on my side of the bed. He kept patting my shoulder and insisting i come lay my head on his chest. i finally settled down and allowed Him to really hold me tight. I fell asleep in His arms and probably slept most of the night that way. I am so grateful to have a Sir who is able to discern between the times when i truly need discipline and the times when i need to be held.

Do i believe there can be grace and mercy in a BDSM relationship? My answer is an unequivocal yes, absolutely, without a doubt and when a sub experiences true mercy at the hand of her Sir, it is the most amazing feeling. I have experienced an increase in trust as a result because it proves to me that He isn’t all about the spanking. It shows me that He really is concerned for me in all aspects. On the flip side, it’s just as important that a sub doesn’t learn to take advantage of this situation and try to manipulate her Dom into showing mercy. i, am grateful to have a Sir who is caring and truly pays attention to me and my needs, so i will do whatever i can to avoid this.

Thank You, Sir for showing me mercy last night and choosing not to discipline me, but instead wrapping Your strong arms around me and making me feel safe.

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