Just Another Day

I almost didn’t bother to write anything today. I’m still not “feeling” it, but I decided I have to keep up with my writing if I’m going to take it seriously. I still have little or no motivation, but I’ve decided that my body is fighting something. I had a symptom pop up that only does so when my immune system is otherwise occupied, so something is attacking me and I’m not too thrilled about it.

When I’m sick, it doesn’t just mess with me physically. It messes with my head too because I am unable to do the things that keep me happy…centered. I don’t have the energy to keep the apartment clean and trying to come up with something to write…I mean really think about it…makes me want to curl up in bed. My brain hurts, my eyes hurt, and because I’m unable to please Sir by taking care of His needs, my heart hurts. Sir hesitates to discipline me during these times because He understands it’s not my fault, but at the same time I get irritable when He gives me grace and flexibility.

The last two mornings He’s let me sleep in and it pissed me off. I know He does it because He cares, but I want to wake up with Him and do whatever He needs or wants me to do. I hate that I’m weakened to the point of not being able to do it.

I thought I was lacking motivation, but I was literally lacking the energy. Ok, fine, but it still pisses me off. I’m cranky and bratty and full of attitude. It’s not the way I want to be and I hope someone saves me from myself because at this point, I can’t do it on my own.

A Challenge, A Spanking, and I Still Don’t Feel Motivated

i still don’t seem to give a fuck about much today, and the one thing that drives me crazy about that is i’m letting Him down. So maybe that means i do give a fuck, i just don’t have the energy to do anything about it. i’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on. Sir even asked me if my icky feeling is emotional or physical. i honestly don’t know. The majority of my “symptoms” are physical: soreness and fatigue being the top contributors. My throat is a bit scratchy and i’m nasally, so it could be my allergies are just being a pain in the ass. It could be more, but since the soreness is actually isolated to specific areas that have been overused as of late, i’m not ready to say i have the flu or some other malady.

Sir and i had a great weekend. It was very active…in the bedroom. We tried some new positions and i think we must have had sex like 10 or more times Friday-Sunday. Like i said, it was great. Awesome even, but i do think it was…a tad too much for us. It’s great to be eager to try new things and i’m so happy to have that with Sir, but we aren’t 21 anymore and it’s weekends like these that remind us of such. Our bodies are having a hell of a time keeping up with our sexual appetites.

i told Sir we need to take a couple of days off from having sex. i was only half serious simply because i know we can’t. Our pheromones are an explosive combination and even when i’m not necessarily in the mood, if He is…i can’t resist Him. It works the other way around as well. The other night, for example, we went to bed and had no intention of doing anything, but lying there together, kissing and rubbing each other’s bodies…well we ended up fucking…the next morning, same thing. This morning is the first time in a long time that i didn’t send Him off to work with an afterglow smile on His face.

Last night, there was no hope because i couldn’t keep my hands off Him, which is usually the case. That’s when He said, “I may have to challenge you. We should see how long you can go without touching me.” i just looked at Him because i know He wouldn’t be able to resist me and how is that fair. Plus, He should know that if He challenges me, i will be successful which means no nookie for Him until He gives in…or i would fail just because i don’t want to go without for that long. It could be an interesting thing if it’s done right though. Say we need 2 or 3 days to recover from a weekend of intense sex, so that’s the goal and for every time i touch Him, i get some consequence. That could work, but i still might choose to fail depending on the consequences given.

Needless to say, we ended up fucking last night too. Sir has been really wanting a guy, but we don’t have a guy in our reserves, so i have to do my very best to give Him the kind of play He might get with/from a guy. There’s only so much i can do, but i always give my best effort. After i had played with Him to His satisfaction, it was my turn. He started off by taking me from behind and apparently i was quite wet as a result of playing with His ass. Every thrust sent pleasure like a jolt of awesomeness running through my body. Then He remembered i wanted a spanking.

He left me lying on the bed on my stomach and went to get His belt. The whooshing sound it made coming out of the belt loops and the clanking of the buckle sent a shiver up my spine. i lay there, anxious, wondering what He would do, and ready to feel the pain that i love so much. He gently flipped the leather strap onto my back and dragged it down the length of my body. Goose bumps pricked up all over my skin and my pussy grew wetter in anticipation. Then He started flipping it against my skin a little harder. It was enough to sting, but not enough to knock my breath away. He worked the strap up and down my back and ass, sure to cover both the left and right side of my body.

i think i counted about 10 or 15 warm up smacks, each one getting progressively harder than the last. My skin was stinging slightly and though i couldn’t see it, i’m sure it was pink in color. Now Sir was ready to take it to the next level. “Are you ready?” i was ready, but not really, so i couldn’t really say yes. He then asked, “How many do you think you can handle at almost full power?”

“Sir, i don’t know. We haven’t done this is awhile and i’m not sure what i can handle.”

“Well then move down here in position and give me that ass. We’ll see what you can take.” I wiggled down positioning myself over the edge of the bed with my ass at the perfect position and height for Him to spank me. He pulled His arm back and began. The belt came down on my right cheek at about ¾ of His power and the initial strike hurt something fierce, but soon that feeling was gone and suddenly i felt warmth wash over my ass and through my body. My clit tingled and wetness formed inside my pussy. Before i could enjoy the aftermath of the first hit, Sir brought the belt down on my left cheek. It felt very much the same as the first one, warmth and all. Then he brought down the third hit to my right cheek and the fourth on my right again.

The fifth strike came down hard and fast, almost Sir’s full strength. I gripped the sheets as the terror of real pain rattled through my body. It was almost as if i could feel it in my bones. My heart rate increased and i yelled out, “Fuck!” Burying my face in the sheets, i breathed in and out slowly, trying to focus on the pain. Sir paused a moment and ran His hand over my back and ass, reminding me He was there and not going anywhere. As the pain subsided, i noticed my clit throbbed as Sir brought the belt down on my other cheek nearly as hard as the last. i just kept my face in the sheets, holding back tears and letting the endorphins do their thing in my body. Sir tossed His belt over to the corner and came up behind me grabbing my hips and pressing His pelvis into my ass. Lifting my head from the bed, i whispered, “Sir, will you hold me please,” and the tears fell. He lay down on the bed and took me in His arms, holding me tight and kissing my forehead. i looked up to Him and said, “Thank You, Sir. i really needed that.”

“Did you enjoy that?” Of course He couldn’t really know without me telling Him, but i showed Him instead. i guided His hand to my sopping wet pussy so He could feel just how much i enjoyed it. “Oh, I guess you did enjoy that. You know, you did very well, the second to last one was just about as hard as I could swing that belt.”

i kissed Him and responded, “Thank You, Sir and yeah that one did hurt, really bad, but you can tell it’s what i needed. My body craves it and thank You so much for being willing to give it to me. You know, Sir, i probably could have taken more. i’m not sure how much more, but i think i still had more in me to give. Please push me further the next time.” He simply nodded and smiled as i put my head on His chest, relaxed and ready to pass out. That didn’t happen right away, but i went to sleep a happy sub because Sir took care of my needs and i pleased Him by meeting His.

Then why did i wake up feeling the lack of motivation again? It’s weird because i’m certain it’s not depression. i’m actually very happy overall. It’s just like i have this underlying bit of bleck that’s just nagging at me. i don’t know how to get rid of it and i need to snap out of it because if i don’t, the spankings i start getting aren’t going to be so fun. i want my motivation back!

Where’s My Motivation?

Sir grabbed His belt and said, “I’ll give you motivation.”

i sighed, “But, Sir, i don’t want the belt to be my motivation. It shouldn’t be the reason why i do things. i do what i do, not because i’m afraid of getting spanked, but because i want to. Why don’t i want to today?”

He just shrugged, “I don’t know.” And this is it. It’s the beginning of another mood swing. They come on suddenly without warning. One second, i’m all energetic and gung ho and then the next, all i want to do is lay down and sleep or watch t.v. i didn’t even feel like writing today, but since i want to at least post something 5 days a week, i figured i need to keep myself disciplined in writing, no matter how long or how short.

It’s not like i have that much to do. It’s just that i don’t want to do it. i have laundry to fold, iron, and hang up. The floor could easily stand to be vacuumed and the bathroom needs to be scrubbed. But i don’t want to do it. The kitchen is pretty much kept up. That is one thing i don’t let myself get lazy with. i hate it when there are dirty dishes in the sink. That’s something that totally drives me bonkers. i’ll cook dinner this evening because i have to eat too, so there’s built in motivation to that.

i think i need a spanking. No, not think. i KNOW i need a spanking. i’m not talking about the kind of spanking where i fucked up and have it coming to me. i’m talking about the one that is painful, yet enjoyable. It’s the spanking during which i can focus on each strike and use it to release my pent up emotions through the pain. With a warm up to build to the more intense pain, it allows me to really focus on it and not try to reject it. That’s the kind of spanking i need. i asked Sir if we could do it last night. i’m eager to push my boundaries and see how much i can take with a proper warm up and slow increase of intensity. He agreed, but there was too much to be done and we were both exhausted, so we agreed that it would have to wait.

Ugh! i really hate it when i feel this way because then i start feeling guilty because i’m not doing what i need to around the house and i start figuring what the hell. My “don’t give a fuck” switch gets flipped and then i do stupid things that will get me in trouble, like play with myself without asking. Yeah, that’s a confession i have to make when He gets home for lunch. i forgot to ask on His break and i knew He wouldn’t see His messages, so i figured, “What the hell. It might help me feel better.” Now i’m regretting that decision. Sure, i don’t HAVE to confess, but what’s the point? Besides, i don’t like lying to Sir for any reason.

So, rather than a coherent post, you get this…a daily dribble of my annoying thoughts. It’s not sexy…it’s not the type of material that makes for good “before bedtime” reading, but it’s what’s in my head at the moment. If my mind is clear later, i’ll be back. Otherwise, i’ll see you tomorrow and hopefully my thoughts aren’t so random.

Share your thoughts…random as they may be.

“Slow, Hot, & Sweaty” by JJ Grey and Mofro

The other night, Sir put this song on and moved close to my ear then whispered, “I want to make love to you. Slow, hot, and sweaty love.” He pressed His lips to my neck, worked his way along my jaw, and ended with a firm, yet tender kiss on my lips. Just hearing the song gets me hot, but add His words of desire and then His kiss, forget it. A tingle coursed through my body and goose bumps popped up all over my skin. A soft moan escaped my throat as my core lit on fire. i wanted Him right then, deep inside of me, but He wouldn’t give in to me.

He moved His lips down my neck and along my collar bone, lightly kissing me, leaving me wanting more. As He worked His way across my chest and over the curve of my breast, He took my nipple in His mouth and sucked gently, flicking it with His tongue. A tingle worked its way from where His tongue touched my skin, through my body, sending a jolt to my clit. i moaned again, louder this time.

His teasing, though enjoyable, was making me squirm and i wanted Him inside of me. i grabbed His face and tried guiding Him back up to my lips for the sole purpose of coaxing Him where i wanted Him, but He wouldn’t budge.

It’s getting too fast now, a little too brash now
Got to slow down baby, one thing at a time
Make a little friction, while we get the slick on
Breathing nice and heavy, you’re drawing me out

He kept moving down my belly, kissing as He went, and gently moved my hands away from His head making it clear He was in charge. i had no choice but lay back and enjoy what He chose to do. i closed my eyes and focused on His lips as He kissed over the top of my mound, down one side, and up the other. My heart thudded in my chest with anticipation as He spread my lips, revealing my pussy. i heard Him inhale deeply, taking in my scent just before he pressed His mouth against my clit, kissing it at first and then twirling His tongue around the hard button.

“Oh, God, Sir,” i moaned loudly. The rush of wetness and shiver that made my body quake indicated my level of arousal. i raised my hips slightly trying to give Him better access. His tongue licked and swirled around my clit making my legs quiver. i fought the urge to grab His head and press His face hard against me. Instead, i laid my head back, took a deep breath and released a big sigh. Grabbing my hips, He pulled me into His face, applied more pressure with His tongue, and moved His face back and forth, clearly enjoying my pussy and the pleasure He gave me. Warmth emanated from deep within. “Sir, please. I need You.”

He kissed my clit and then the inside of my right thigh followed by the inside of my left thigh. i shivered. The song still played in the background. “Slow hot and sweaty, turn it on. Slow hot and sweaty, baby let go.” God i wanted to let go, but not without Him inside. He slowly kissed His way back up my body, stopping at my breasts to tease my nipples, along my collar bone, up my neck, and finally He pressed His lips to mine. I smelled myself on His face and then tasted me on His lips. Another rush of wetness and my pussy dripped, ready for Him.

Reaching down, He guided His throbbing cock to my dripping and waiting hole. It didn’t take much, just a gentle nudge and He slipped inside of my hot, wet pussy deliberate with every movement and definitely in no hurry. Sliding in and out, He thrust in time to the music. “Slow hot and sweaty, slip it and slide. Slow hot and sweaty, can you feel it deep inside?” i closed my eyes and focused on the pleasure flowing from my center and then found my rhythm, matching His and i pressed my hips into Him. Our bodies synchronized, one complimenting the other as the intensity grew with each movement. He lowered His face to mine and covered my mouth in a passion-filled kiss, His tongue dancing with my own as we continued making love to the rhythm of the song.

Your skin is shining, can you feel me pining
For that little something, something, you always do
Ya sweet as a mango and steamy like the congo
Woman I can’t hold on much longer, hold on much longer

Slowly, i felt myself approaching the edge and fought every urge to rush. Instinct told me to pick up the pace and get there as soon as possible, but every little twist and thrust felt so good, i wasn’t ready for it to end. Sheer bliss doesn’t even begin to describe it. Then Sir moaned, His deep, guttural moan, and i could tell He was nearing His climax. He too fought the desire to pick up pace and rush. Instead, He kept the same steady rhythm. Occasionally, He thrust a little harder, penetrating deeper and giving me His entire length. i wrapped my arms and legs around His body, feeling myself ready to let go, and pulled His body tightly against mine. Locking gazes, we looked at each other, our breathing in sync and our bodies still mirroring the tempo of the music. His eyes were on fire, burning with lust and desire for me as we continued making love. The look on His face and in His eyes sent me reeling. To be looked at with such love, passion, and lust is to be treasured.

i teetered for a moment, ready to let it all go, but wanting it to last as long as possible. I could feel Sir getting closer as His breathing picked up and His grunts and groans grew louder with each thrust. One last kiss, maintaining eye contact the entire time, and He thrust harder, not faster, just harder. The pressure at my core became more than i could resist and my pussy tightened around His cock in quick spasms, “Oh God, Sir, i’m cumming!”

That was enough to push Him over the edge and He threw His head back and yelled, “AAHHH! Fuck yeah, sweet.” With that declaration, His cock exploded, releasing His hot cum inside of me. i kept my arms and legs wrapped around Him in a tight body hug as we recovered, Our bodies damp with sweat and pink with exertion.

The song was still playing, probably for the 5th or 6th time, maybe more. He rolled over onto the bed and turned off the song. i said, “Mmmm, baby. i like it slow, hot, and sweaty,” and moved over next to Him, nuzzling into His neck.

“I knew you would, my sweet,” He said, and then kissed my forehead.

*Lyrics copied from here.
***
i can honestly say this was another first for me. We never really increased our rhythm. We didn’t rush things. We just thoroughly enjoyed each other and every sensation our movement created. It’s amazing how being patient and taking your time can yield such awesome results. Have you ever experienced anything like this? Is there a song that gave you a similar experience or one you hope to experience in this way?

I’m An Oxymoron!

No…not a moron…an oxymoron. Merriam-webster.com defines oxymoron as “a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (a cruel kindness)” or more broadly “something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements.” That’s me: a living, breathing contradiction. i sure as hell don’t understand it and nearly lose my mind when i try. i’ve written about the dichotomy of being submissive in the past, but always in relation to a specific event. Now let’s look at a few of the contradictions i (and probably most other submissives) experience on a daily basis.

Painfully Pleased
In this type of relationship, it’s pretty obvious that pain and pleasure top the list of contradictions. How can something that hurts feel so good? What makes it pleasurable for one person but not another? i’ve not done serious research on the subject, but in what i have seen and read, pain and pleasure receptors are said to be very close in the brain and they invoke many of the same physical responses and chemical releases. It is perceived that when the two are combined, the body can learn to experience pain as pleasure. Pretty weird, huh? But it does explain a few things. Of course there are those of us out there who really do enjoy or need pain…as pain…to find much needed emotional release, but that still translates to pleasure when all is said and done because of the euphoric feeling experienced in the aftermath.

Safely Afraid
The two hardly go hand in hand, but in BDSM, fear and safety are key components. The main source of excitement and arousal within BDSM is the sense of fear one has when they are at the mercy of a sadist. One never knows just how far he/she will push and sometimes they tap into your real fears and phobias. The fear a submissive feels is real fear and no one should ever doubt that. i have personally experienced true fear at the hands of my Sir, but knowing i can fully trust Him makes the fear only temporary. When confronted with danger, fear is a natural instinct we have to ensure our survival. It’s the instinct that triggers “fight or flight.” When Sir does something to me that invokes fear, i get that rush of adrenaline and my brain runs a million miles a second trying to figure out how i’ll get out of the mess i’m in. But then i remember, He’s my Sir and i trust Him. He’s not going to do anything to me that will permanently damage me. Most importantly, i know He’s not going to kill me. I trust Him.

Just yesterday, Sir and i were talking about some different things because we’ve been exploring the use of fear in our play. Some of my darker fantasies require Him to make me experience true fear…even if it’s just for a second. We talked about how difficult it is for me to truly “be afraid” because i do trust Him. With no warning, He grabbed the butcher knife out of the drawer and pressed it against my throat. I about shit myself because He’s never done anything like that before AND He had just said He didn’t think He could ever use weapons like that with me.

My heart jumped into my throat and for a moment. i was really scared. o i looked into His eyes and the sadistic bastard who lives in His head was the one i saw, and the fear intensified as different thoughts raced through my mind. i questioned my own sanity for ever trusting Him, but entranced by his stare, i gazed into His soul and there, deep in His brown eyes, i caught a glimpse of the man i trust with my life and i knew He wouldn’t hurt me. As i made that realization, something changed in my expression and He noticed, so He asked me, “What are you thinking about right now?”

i swallowed hard. All i could think to say was, “It’s a good thing i trust you.” He smiled and put the knife away then pulled me into His arms. With a quick kiss on the forehead and His tight embrace, i knew i was safe, but the fear had already made its impact. My heart pounded and now adrenaline pumped through my body with every beat of my heart. My breathing was quick and i was a little shaky. i could feel the rush. It scared the fuck out of me, but i felt completely safe at the same time.

Dominant Submission
For some, this may seem like a strange one to include, but not for me. Yes, i am a submissive woman, but i’m only submissive to those who earn it from me. If you met me away from anything to do with the lifestyle, you would never know this part of me. i have a very dominant personality. When i’m in a group of people, i command attention and usually end up the leader of the group. In my first marriage, i was pretty much the dominant force (Though that’s probably why it failed). i was the super bossy big sister, always kicking my little sister’s ass because she was being a brat. What changed? i don’t know. Maybe nothing. All i know is when i met Sir, i knew i wanted to be under His care and control. i wanted to give Him the gift of my submission in a way that i never thought i would ever do.

i struggle on a daily basis with my dominant tendencies. Some would say i’m a switch, but i know i’m not. Dominating someone else isn’t really enjoyable for for me, though on occasion Sir does request it. What it comes down to is the fact that sometimes i don’t want to be told what to do or how to act or what to wear. Sometimes when Sir tells i’m going to be disciplined for something, i want to fight Him on it. Sometimes, i just don’t want to give in that easily. As each day passes, my need to be in control wanes, but it’s still there…ever present in the back of my mind.

The other key to this particular dichotomy is that i ultimately have control over my own actions. i choose to do what i do whether it’s to obey Sir or not. It’s my choice and i own that. Once i understood with perfect clarity that no one else can MAKE me do anything, it changed the way i viewed submission. Sir wouldn’t be able to make me kiss His feet unless i give Him my submission, so at the end of the day, i have the power.

***

i know i didn’t get them all, but these are the biggies, in my opinion, and it’s definitely a start. Feel free to make any additions in the comments. I would love to hear what you think about the topic and whether or not you feel like an oxymoron. Being a submissive is sometimes crazy because of all the contradictions, but at the same time, i wouldn’t have it any other way.

Controversial Fantasy Come True

i had an experience with Sir last night and just like most of my experiences, i want to share it with you, my readers. It is a sensitive topic, so i’m not going to do my best to treat it sensitively. First i want everyone to know that i believe sexual assault is not ok. When a person is forced to do something without consent, a part of them is stolen and can never be returned. Too many women are assaulted because some asshole has a superiority complex and has to prove he’s stronger. That same asshole clearly can’t get sex through normal means, so he has to force a woman to give it to him. These things are deplorable and if any of you have ever been assaulted in such a way…I’m so sorry and this is not meant to glamorize such an ugly act.

The thing is…i have fantasized about being raped. Before you click the “x”, let me explain. Being that i’m submissive, i clearly have a desire to be dominated. There is something about being at the mercy of a strong man that makes me weak in the knees. There’s also the idea anonymity, the possibility of never seeing my assailants face. It’s all…in my perverted mind anyway…sexy. i know for a fact that if i were raped, it would devastate me, so i’m not looking for some stranger to shove me in a dark alley and take me then and there. But i can’t ignore the appeal to my submissive mind of being forced to do something that i may not really want to do. For me to experience this, i have to find a “safe” way to make my fantasy come true. The only way to really do this is through consensual non-consent and that’s basically role play. i’ve joined an online community that has the potential for role playing such a situation, but i haven’t become actively involved yet, so it hasn’t happened there. Another way to make it happen is with Sir.

Several months ago i asked Him if He would ever feel comfortable simulating forced sex with me. i knew at the time that the answer was going to be no, because we had only been together in real time for about 3 weeks. At that point, we had no idea where our relationship would go within the lifestyle, but i wanted Him to know that i trusted Him enough to try it sometime. Recently Sir has been pushing His own boundaries just as much as mine and it’s been amazing. i noticed He’s doing a lot of things an assailant might do to his victim during an, like pinning my arms and hands down using His full body weight, choking me with His hand, or covering my mouth. All of these have become elements incorporated into our day to day play, so i thought i would let Him know again about my fantasy.

i sent Him an email with my request. i said everything that i say here about having the fantasy, but knowing the real thing would devastate me, so if He is comfortable with it, i would like to experience it. i trust Him and while i know He will push, if i was ever in any real danger or psychological crisis, He will stop. When He got home from work, while dinner finished cooking, we talked about it some more. He still seemed a little concerned, perhaps hesitant, because…well it goes against everything He believes in as a man. i explained to Him that it’s because i trust Him that i feel safe giving Him this control and that i know He will never hurt me beyond what i can handle.

He still really struggled with the idea of forcing me to have sex with Him, so i said, “If it makes it easier, let’s create roles. We are actors. Let’s make it a scene.” He loves a challenge and He loves acting. He does it all the time. The man had about 5 or 6 different characters that make random appearances, so this really wouldn’t be that different. I also added, “Even though i know You won’t really be forcing me into it, i will fight, so You have to make me submit to you.”

i was about to tell Him how i wanted for it to be a surprise. i didn’t want to know when it would happen, but before i could even get the words out, He pressed His hand over my mouth and it started. I was shocked, pleased, scared…no…terrified. The intensity in His eyes and His hand didn’t just cover my mouth, it plugged my nose too, so i couldn’t breathe, but i immediately remembered, “I trust Him,” and the fear subsided…slightly. i struggled to get out from under Him and tried to fight, but He stayed true to His character and fought back.

For this particular post, i will forgo all of the details because i don’t want to seem insensitive to anyone who has been assaulted for real. It’s not a subject i take lightly at all and i want you all to know that. Our relationship is one in which Sir binds me and hits me on a regular basis because i really do ask Him to. Last night we just incorporated those elements into a scene. i know there is nothing sexy about true rape, but when your lover listens to your fantasies and makes the effort to bring that fantasy to life in a safe and controlled environment…in my opinion there is nothing sexier than that.

I do have to tell you about one thing though. It was my major contribution to the scene. As we neared the end of our role play, i threw a little wrench into the scene. I guess you could say it was my way of regaining control, so to speak.

The basic scenario that He was playing with was that i hit on him in the hotel bar. (Well not me, but my character.) i bought Him a drink and invited Him up to my room. You can imagine why the guy thought He was entitled to sex. When i was just too tired and couldn’t “fight” anymore, i gave in and submitted. Trust me, He worked for it. At this point, i admitted to Him that i really did want it all along (Again, i mean no disrespect at all. This is where i chose to take my character because i wanted the power back in her hands.) and i grabbed His head and pulled Him down so i could whisper in His ear, “What you don’t know is I have a camera hidden in here taping this.”

He said, “I don’t believe you,” as he stared into my eyes.

“You don’t have to believe me, but this will be a nice addition to my collection of hotel encounters.”

Later as we talked about it, i told Him my character goes from town to town and collects recordings of unsuspecting guys who think they have the upper hand the whole time. She labels each disk with the Hotel Name, Date, and a description of the guy. This disk would read “Oct. 23, 2012/Hotel B/Tall, dark, and handsome, but extremely cocky.”

***

i will admit, there were times during the scene when i wasn’t really “having fun” because the overall energy was so “real,” but i never felt like i was in any real danger which is what makes it so different from the real thing. Outside of my D/s relationship with Sir, i don’t want to experience being forced to have sex for real. I have willingly and with full consent given up all rights to my body and therefore He can, theoretically, force me to do anything he wants, anytime He wants, but i trust He won’t abuse that power. At anytime i have the right to tell Him i don’t feel safe and He will stop. That is the biggest difference between consensual and non-consensual right there.

What did i learn from this? Well, it was another brick on our wall of trust. Every experience i have with Sir makes the trust stronger and stronger. It’s amazing what can be accomplished with a trust like ours. i also learned that i don’t really fantasize about being raped by a complete stranger. i fantasize about rough sex with no boundaries, but maintaining consent the entire time. i fantasize about acting out the fantasy in a consensual manner. i want my Sir to take me and make me His, but only Him. i learned that all of the various elements we dabble in on a daily basis make excellent tools to build role play scenes and with our rich backgrounds in Theater, we really have a lot of fun creating scenarios and characters.

***

Today I’m going to do something a little different and leave you with some questions. Feel free to comment below and join the conversation.

What are some of your fantasies? Have you ever shared them with your Master/Sir/Dom/Lover?

If you have ever tried to act out one of your fantasies, what did you learn from the experience?

Good Morning, Sir

Waking up as Sir slides His throbbing cock into me is the best way to wake up…EVER!

I’ve told Him my body is His to use how He wants, when He wants and that includes the middle of the night or first thing in the morning, yet for some reason He still struggles with the idea of waking me up that way. “Sir, i want to get up with You in the morning. If i don’t hear Your alarm, please, wake me up in any way You desire. i love waking up with You kissing on me and trust me, i won’t complain if You decide to take advantage of my sleeping body. i promise i will respond and it’s an amazing way to wake up.” Those have been my words to Him on many occasions, yet He still wouldn’t do it. He waits for me to wake up and then He makes His move, or if I don’t wake up, He just lets me sleep. As a His sub, i feel it is my job to be up with Him to make His coffee and breakfast. On those mornings when He lets me sleep in, i feel like i’ve failed Him.

This morning, He finally did it. His alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. i didn’t hear it. i rarely do. The real plan is for us to wake up and go for a walk and i’m ashamed to admit, that has yet to happen. It’s mostly because He hits snooze a few times and then we fuck and it’s time for Him to go to work. I told Him, “Well some exercise is better than none. At least sex burns calories.”

I’m sure He hit the snooze button at least once, but all i remember is Him pressing against my body and kissing on my shoulder or whatever surface was easily accessible. It doesn’t matter where or what because it pulled me out of my dream and into reality. Barely. He rolled over, position Himself on top of me and i spread my legs without a second thought, allowing Him access to me. (We slept nude last night, so clothing was not an issue. It’s actually one of the perks of sleeping naked. Random midnight romps and morning sex are a piece of cake without having to fumble with clothes.) As i felt Him enter me, i sucked in my breath and let out a soft moan (It doesn’t matter how many times we do this, His cock always has the same affect on me.), raised my hips slightly to give Him a better angle, and He entered slowly at first, but soon thrust deep and hard. i wasn’t very wet at first, but just feeling Him slide in and out of me triggered my body’s natural response and before long i could actually hear His cock plunge into me.

Still dazed with sleep, i reached my hands back and grabbed the headboard for leverage as i matched His rhythm raising my pelvis to meet His. He kept driving into me as He reached up and moved my hands where He wanted them. He wished to see me in a position that simulated bondage. Not a single word was spoken, but i knew i was not to move my hands until He said i could, so I gripped the headboard and moaned in pleasure, enjoying His every move. After a few moments of this, He decided a change in position was necessary, so He moved to His back and ordered me on top of His cock.

Bleary-eyed, i pulled my sleep-weighted body up and positioned myself on His cock, guiding Him to my waiting wetness. Sliding down over Him, i rocked my hips back and forth, grinding against His pelvis and pleasure shot through my core like a bolt of lightning as pressed His hips up into me. A deep moan formed in His throat and He opened His mouth allowing it escape, filling the room with sounds of pleasure. i rode Him like this until He pushed me off and without Him saying a word, i got up on my hands and knees, presenting myself to Him. He moved behind me, i clenched myself tight in anticipation of His cock, and He grabbed my hips pulling me toward Him as He forcefully thrust His cock into me reaching my innermost places. i felt slight discomfort as my insides grew accustomed to Him pounding me with such vigor. Pleasure radiated from my wet hole, up to my clit, and throughout my entire body with my pounding heart seeming to match His rhythm as He aggressively fucked me.

Completely awake by now, my senses overwhelmed me as i became aware of every sensation…His cock stretching and filling me, the persistent tingle in my clit, the head of His cock caressing my engorged g-spot as He pulled all the way out then pushed back in. My skin tingled with excitement and the contrast between my body heat and the cool air from the fan. Hearing the sounds Sir made sent my pleasure into overdrive and it was only heightened by the smell of sex that filled the air. In this moment sex was a complete sensory experience for me, and for the first time in a long time, i was aware of every one of my senses as they inched me closer to the edge.

That’s when Sir decided to move, gradually so He stayed inside of me. i don’t know how we did it, but we ended up with Him on His back and me in a variation of the reverse cowgirl position. i pressed down on Him and He thrust up into me as we wiggled and maneuvered into the perfect position for deepest penetration and greatest pleasure. It wasn’t long before my body delighted in what He did to me because this is a position that rubs me in all the right places. i squeezed myself tightly around Him as he pushed in and released the muscles as He pulled out feeling the pressure at my core build. Soon, i had no control of the squeezing and i plummeted over the edge, moaning loudly just as He also gave one final hard thrust cumming inside of me. We laid there for a minute catching our breath…me playfully squeezing His sensitive cock while it was still inside of me. When i could move again, i found my place in His arms, kissed Him sweetly on the lips, and as I lay my head on His chest said, “Good morning, Sir. Now that was a wonderful way to wake up.”

Note: I know some of you may be thinking I totally make all this shit up. I’m not making any of it up unless I say specifically that it’s made up. I do use my “skill” as a writer to describe things a certain way, but everything I write pretty much happens the way I write it. Yes, Sir and I have simultaneous orgasms. I never thought it was possible and it never happened to me until Him. Yes, I can cum without touching myself. It’s one of the wonderful things about being aware of my own body and what it can do as well as having an amazing connection to an amazing lover. I’ve learned there is a difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm. Both are wonderful, but one is not necessary to have the other and when they happen at the same time…HOLY FUCK! Anyway, I just felt the need to address this because even I have a hard time believing what I write and I experience it firsthand.