This morning after Sir left for work, i completed the one major task He asked me to do and i sat down at my computer and started doing what i do every morning after my household chores are done-i started doing searches and reading about different types of D/s relationships. i am submissive, that is as clear as can be, but i know i am not a slave. i used to fight my submission tooth and nail. i didn’t want to admit that the Bible is right, that the earlier days of wives serving their husbands is the way it should be…at least for me. i will never tell someone else they should live like this because that may not be the case, but after a failed marriage, i am ready to be Taken in Hand and ruled by my Head of Household.
Writing those words down seem surreal to me, but as i do i feel a tingle that begins deep in my heart and radiates out. Believe it or not, saying those words actually causes me to become slightly aroused. What is it about serving Sir that makes me feel this way?
i should apologize now, i have a very stream-of-consciousness way about me. i do it in conversations and i find i do it in writing. i promise i will do my best to stay on topic, but that may be impossible. i do vow that whenever i find myself hopping a rabbit trail, i’ll eventually bring it back to the original topic at hand. That being said, this morning, i was reading other blogs by women similar to me, most of whom are already in a relationship like the one i desire. You see, i have Sir, so i have the Man. W/we know that we are a D/s couple, but W/we have been trying to find where we fit on the spectrum and how W/we want to develop our relationship. Neither of U/us was heavily into the lifestyle until we met online. Even then, it was a very cursory aspect of who we were as a couple. That is why i am so pleased to have discovered Domestic Discipline and 1950s Household relationships. i’m not one for labels, but i am one who seeks guidance when i’m doing something new. i’m not eager to put a label on O/our relationship, but it’s comforting to know there are others out there who value these same principles in a relationship.
i came across a blog…i can’t seem to find it at the moment and when i do, i will post a link to it…and i shared it with Sir. i said, “Sir, if it pleases You, this is the type of relationship i would like to have with You.” He simply smiled and patted my head as i lay it in His lap. This morning as W/we lay in bed, i asked him (just like i do every morning), “Sir, what would You like me to do today while You’re at work?” He gave me one task. While i am pleased that He even feels me worthy enough to do this one task for Him, i am so eager to do more. my existence is for Him and Him alone. my purpose is simple: to pleasure Him in anyway that He needs or wants to be pleasured. That prompted me to write Him an email (something i used to do every morning for about 2 months and then stopped). This is what i wrote:
To my most amazing Sir,
As i sit here, having cleared Your desk and preparing to organize it, i can’t help but think that maybe You are concerned with giving me tasks to complete during the day. Sir, i want you to. In fact, it is in completing any task for You that i find worth in the role i have in Your life. i can honestly say that i feel as if i were put here on Earth not only to serve our Heavenly Father, but to serve You as well. i can’t explain how this feeling has come to be, but i know it started long ago when Thom and Wendy first began seriously dating in SL. i never intended to be Yours in RL, but i had an overwhelming urge to do anything and everything for You that i could. Of course those options were quite limited due to the circumstances of O/our relationship, but i’ve told You from early on that i felt a special connection with You. It’s like W/we are soulmates. i don’t know how to explain it, but taking a Biblical stance, Eve was made from a piece of Adam, right? Would it be so hard to believe that maybe i was actually made from You? Ok…ok…i read over that now and it does sound ridiculous, but in all seriousness, i do feel like that. i feel as if i was made to be Your helper and no one else’s. Perhaps it’s simply a matter of maturity and learning about who i am as a woman and what my ideal role on this planet is meant to be OR maybe it took finding You for me to discover this about myself.
You will notice i refer to SL. If you aren’t familiar with it, that is Second Life, an online social gaming platform. It’s incredibly complex in many ways, so very difficult to explain, but a lot of relationships are formed in SL and that is how i met Sir. W/we had no intention of ever having a real time relationship. W/we only ever expected to be a couple in SL. Thom and Wendy are O/our avatars in Second Life and the beginning of what W/we now share in real time. at some point i will write about SL and how it led to where i am today, but for now, this is all you need to know about it.
Sir is the main reason i’m finding myself…the real me. i have so much i want to share with my readers, i just don’t know where to begin, but for today i am happy to share this letter.