Sir and i haven’t been playing as much over the past couple of months. i’m pretty sure that’s why i haven’t been writing. Don’t get me wrong, we have sex and a lot of it, but the energy required to “play” isn’t always there. i think it’s a big part of why i’ve been feeling down and not getting back into my groove. i think it’s a part of why i felt myself losing the drive to do everything i can to make Him happy. Don’t get me wrong. i want to make Him happy in everything i do, but there is something so intoxicating about Him giving me an order and me following it…and if i don’t…consequences.
i know life gets in the way and that’s more important, but my submission has become such a part of me at my core that when any part of it is lacking, i feel off. Of course i communicate this to Sir and when He can, He takes a moment to spank me even if it’s only a few swats and not all that hard. i’ve asked Him to hold me accountable, not only to His orders, but to any promises i make to Him. I write Him an email everyday in the morning and in that email i tell Him what i will get accomplished. Sometimes it’s simply repeating what He’s told me to do and other times it’s my own list because He didn’t have time to give me one. i asked Him to discipline me when i don’t do everything on the list and don’t have a good reason for it. Usually, He does, but not always.
i mentioned in my last post that we went to a play party and i’m so glad we did. It’s helped us find our groove again. Though we might not play during the week, we have settled into a routine for weekend play and since i’m a light masochist, we can usually play several times during the weekend.
Last weekend was great. Sir tried a few new things and He’s becoming more comfortable with His sadistic side and trying new techniques. This is both exciting and terrifying, but the end result is always so amazing. Last night…Oh my gawd, Last night He made me feel something i’ve never felt before. For the first time, i was limp. After He was finished and He took me in His arms, i fell into Him, weak in the knees, and unable to hold myself up. i melted into Him, completely and totally relaxed, but let me tell you how He got me there.
i knew He needed to play as much as i did. i need to be able to give myself to Him to do as He pleases and last night, after a long, hard day at work, He needed to inflict pain. It worked out perfectly because i also needed to feel pain. After dinner, we went to our room and lay talking for a bit. Then He stood up, took my collar in His hand and motioned for me to come to Him. My heart skipped because i knew what this meant. i moved to the edge of the bed and He put it on me then bound my hands and legs. My heart pounded in my chest with an odd mixture of arousal and fear. He said, “I wish we had more toys, I’m in the mood to play with something else.” (Still being new and not having a lot of money, we don’t have many implements, but we are looking to find inexpensive alternatives or homemade items.)
He helped me to my feet and guided me to the wall. i stood facing the wall and pressed my arms against it, sticking my ass out for Him. He started slow smacking my ass with His belt, softly at first, gradually increasing intensity and frequency. Since i can’t see Him, i’m not 100% sure what He does, but when He finds His groove, it’s like He’s flipping it around and around causing it to hit me in rapid succession almost like what we’ve seen done with a flogger. It’s a really great technique and though it stings a lot at first, as my skin warms up, it feels really nice.
After my ass appeared nice and red, He pressed His hard cock against me and whispered, “You feel what this is doing to me, sweet? If you’re a good girl, that will be your reward. You’ll get my cock when I’m through.” i couldn’t help it, a moan crept from my throat. He turned me around and kissed me hard, then ordered me to my knees. At this point, He removed my bindings and i lowered myself in front of Him and proceeded to take Him in my mouth. When He had His fill, He helped me up and whispered, “You do know I’m not done spanking you, right? We’re just getting warmed up, sweet.”
My heart pounded in my chest. This is when i feel the conflict of fear and dread with complete and total arousal. He pressed me against the wall again and continued my spanking. After a few lashes with His belt, He got the wooden spoon (it’s an evil implement) and smacked my ass, “I want you to count. I’m going to hit you 5 times.”
i felt the spoon come down hard on my ass. “One!” Then again, on the other cheek. “Two!” And again, “Three! Fuck that hurts!” It was a bit much, but of course i didn’t want Him to stop completely. I just wanted to catch my breath. “Yellow!”
He chuckled. “You called yellow? What’s wrong?”
“i just need to get my bearings. Catch my breath a minute.”
“Ok,” he chuckled again. After a few seconds passed, “Are you ready to continue?”
“Yes, Sir. Can I start at four or do we have to start all over?”
i can just picture the evil grin as He said, “Oh you called Yellow. We start from one.”
“But Sir. i shouldn’t be punished…” and the spoon came down on my ass, “One! for using my safeword.” Then it comes down again, harder this time. “2! Isn’t this about…” and again, “3! being safe and shouldn’t i be encour…” and again, “4! …aged to use my safeword?” And with that, He brought the spoon down on my ass one final time, harder than the first five, “5!”
Leaning in, He whispers, “very good, sweet. That’s my good girl.” Fuck, those words. They get me every time. i would do just about anything for Him so long as He tells me i’m a good girl. “I’m still not through. You still get your belt spanking.” As He spoke softly to me, He rubbed His hands over my ass, soothing where He had just spanked. ”You’re ass is glowing red, sweet.”
“Does that please You, Sir?”
“Oh yes, it does.” i heard the buckle clanging as He picked up His belt and i knew it was almost time. Part of me dreads the belt, but another part of me loves it. i love the warmth after the sting. i love how i get accustomed to the sting when warmed up. i love that it makes Him hard when He spanks me. i love giving myself to Him in a way that no other woman has done before me. “A few more warm ups and then for the main event.” Have i mentioned i love His new technique for warming me up with His belt? Just hard enough to sting, but really it’s about getting the blood to the surface and literally warming it up.
Soon it didn’t even feel like He was spanking me. “Harder, Sir.” The Sadist let out an evil laugh as He brought the belt down harder. My heart pounded and i thrust my ass out meeting each lash. It actually felt good.
“Are you ready?”
“i’m not sure, Sir. i think so.” i really don’t like it when He asks that because i don’t think i’m ever really ready.
“Count for me.”
“How many can i expect?” i like to know just because it gives me something to focus on. If i know the end is near, i can push through.
“I have a number in mind. Would you like to guess?” As we talked, He kept rubbing my ass and smacking it occasionally to keep it warm.
His dark eyes lit up. “No, not that many, but if you think you can take that many…”
“No, i don’t think i can. six?”
“More than that.”
“I don’t know, it just seems like a good number. Are you ready?”
“Yes, Sir.” i turned back to the wall, took a deep breath and prepared for my spanking.
“Don’t forget to count.” And with that, He brought the belt down hard on my ass.
“One!” Each time the belt came down on my ass, it was progressively harder than the last time. By the time He reached six, they hurt, but almost felt good at the same time. When i called out, “Seven!” i felt like i could keep going, but as He dropped the belt and reached out, taking me in His arms, i literally collapsed into Him. The feeling of release and the endorphin high was so incredible, i was weak in the knees. He just held me. This was, to date, the most intense spanking He’s ever given me and i could feel it, yet i didn’t cry. I was, however, jelly in His arms. “Can i have your cock now? Did i earn it?”
He laughed softly, kissed my forehead, “Yes, sweet, but first i want to hold my good girl.”
“Can we please move to the bed and sit down?” With that, we moved to the bed and i sat with His arms around me holding me tight. Nothing else mattered in the world except that i was there with Him in that moment. The world could crumble around us and i wouldn’t even know.